I'm Out of My League

So, if you're a regular reader (which no one should be wasting that much time), you may have noticed that before every trip I'll write a post to give myself a preview of what may or may not come (that's right, none of this is meant for you). It helps me plan out things to do, deal with some of the anxiety I have before getting on the plane, and it lets my mom know where I'll be when I don't show up for dinner. Just kidding, she doesn't read this, though I did forget to tell her until a couple days ago.

Writer's block

At the moment though, it's not working out the way I'd hoped. Next week, I'll be in Bellevue, Washington for a writing workshop. Before you get mistakenly awed and amazed, there's no screening process or else there's no way Alan - "Yeah, I kind of write, sort of, whenever a writing prompt on Reddit catches my attention or whenever I can put together a coherent set of paragraphs for a blog post" - would be allowed at any writing event. All I needed to do was put in some cash and they said, "Okay, you can come" in what I imagine was probably said in the most reluctant tone ever. And as excited as I was when I signed up just over a month ago, the whole trip kind of snuck up on me until about a week ago. I'd been focused on taking care of a toothache and then getting a crown fitted onto that bastard that I haven't really been doing much else. Basically, I'd forgotten to do all of the things I'd planned to do to prepare for the workshop:

1. Prep for the agent interview: For reasons beyond me, past-Alan decided to sign us up for a 10minute meeting with an agent. Typically it's recommended that you use this time to pitch your marketable story idea. Well, he didn't have one then, and I don't have one now. Besides, no one is going to buy just an idea. I'm 95% sure they'd like at least some hard evidence that you're actually working on whatever it is you're trying to sell to them before they give you the money. Recently I asked past-Alan about this and he reasoned that we can at least ask questions about the marketing side of publishing - a good idea except he didn't come up with any questions either! Ugh, why are you so dumb?! ("Meh" shrugging shoulders) Asshole.

2. Write a first page of a story: One of the classes during the workshop that caught my eye was a part of the day where some of the attending agents would provide critiques of submitted first-pages of participants' stories. It's been awhile since I've written anything I've considered marketable and even longer since I've had my worked looked over in detail (no one really does on Reddit... at least not on my work). So this one really caught my attention. However, without a story of course, I don't have a page one to present, and I definitely don't want to show off some half-assed page one and give the impression that this is my best work. When real desperation settles in, I may need to just polish off those turds of "The Sovereignty" or, even worse, "The Dealer." Oh, I really do hate myself for bringing those stories up (I swore I'd never go back).

3. Come up with a persona to use when networking: Obviously, one of the big pulls of going to conventions are to meet similar, like-minded people to build a network of others that share your interests. You go to car shows to meet other car enthusiasts, anime conventions to meet other cos-players, the bar down the street to meet other drunks. This workshop is no different and it's one day to make the best impression so they'll want to talk to me again, especially since they'll need to first deal with my worst quality - myself. So, as much fun as it is to be my usual, oblivious-to-the-world self, I thought I should be a bit more professional - more like "Yeah, I've got two novels written, one of them I'm thinking about turning into a possible trilogy, just looking for someone to help me market it." As fake as it sounds, it does sound better than "Yeah, I typically spend too much time on Reddit, usually leaving comments and critiques on other people's work rather than taking the time to write my own stories, as well as struggling to stay focused enough to blog as infrequently as I do." Actually, I take it back, that's the better one, at least they know that you can trust me to read work and probably won't be asking for a whole lot of critiques on my own work (since I don't have any). Besides who doesn't appreciate it when someone reads their work.

And now that I've dumped all of my worries on the screen, you're probably wondering, "why the hell are you even going to this thing so unprepared?" And if you're a regular reader of my stories (which, again, you really should find a different hobby) you're probably wondering why I'm going to a workshop in the first place when I should obviously be practicing a lot more. Well, a friend of mine from an English Writing class all those years ago let me know about it about two months ago. It took me awhile to decide whether or not to go since a lot of the presentations deal with publishing and marketing, you know, things that you should think about when you've got actual marketable stories, while I'm still barely in the process of liking the things that I write. What changed my mind? Well, I'd have to give the credit to Shia LaBeouf as Louis Stevens for convincing me that this was a good idea. Not sure how or why I even remembered it, but there was this episode of "Even Stevens" (yeah, I thought alcohol would've killed my long-term memory by now too) where Louis wanted to learn to play the drums but didn't want to study the boring exercise book. So, the family hires a guy to teach him and, at his performance for the family, Louis starts banging on the drums like a maniac, kicking over the stands, etc. Then the teacher explains, now that you've had your fun and seen what it's like to be a rock star, you gotta learn the basics to get to do that again and hands him the same boring exercise book. Basically, this is my "rock star moment", to see what kind of options are out there before once again returning to working on story after story in my quest to find something acceptable.

Also, all of that you just read is regarding a ONE DAY workshop. I'm still going to be there for 4 more days. I guess I could find something to do around Bellevue (though I looked it up just now and a lot of it looks like outdoor activities, so that's out). I guess I could also take the bus or taxi into Seattle and find something to do. There's gotta be plenty of things to do over there. Or I could always stay indoors to catch up on reading, or even get back into Monster Hunter (I've been trying to practice once a week again). Mostly I've just been trying to prepare to survive the cold by trying to wear my jacket in the office as little as I can, because that memory is still seared into my mind from the last time I was in Seattle.

so cold (Seattle 2010)

Other than that, the only other thing I've spent a lot of time thinking about is how different it's going to be to stay in my own hotel room. All of my other trips I've either slept on someone's couch or floor, or if I had a bed, it was a hostel bunk. So this will be a real change from any trip I've taken before. I'm not going to lie, the room was more than my plane ticket and the cost of admission to the workshop, combined. If it's as good looking as the pictures, it'll be worth it. And yes, I did splurge a little for the King bed (no idea what that's going to be like as I've slept on a twin all my life). And the last time I had a room all to myself was just about 8 years ago, so I can't guarantee that the moment I set foot into the room I'm not going to just start throwing all of my stuff all over the place. Okay, that's a lie, because the first thing I'm probably going to do is fall asleep since I'm going to be landing at almost 10pm (it was either that or landing at 6am, I'm hoping this was the better choice).

Besides that one day, maybe it'll just be 4 days in a warm hotel room trying to write stories. Honestly, probably not the greatest way to spend a vacation but not the worst way either (I mean, I spent a day doing it in a crowded New York library). At least I'm pretty sure the room has a desk which will be a huge improvement from sitting on my bed using an old, stuffed binder as a table, and a chair won't be as lumpy as my bed is. And there's supposed to be a coffee maker so that's an improvement too, I guess. And wifi. Maybe I won't even have to leave the room (it would make packing easier). Though I will need to find time to buy pens to bring back to my co-workers.

Just to end this on a funnier note: my sister asked if she could use my car while I'm gone. I'm not too worried if she just wants to practice going around the block (though she can't quite park off the road). However, I made sure to give her the same answer dad gave me when I was driving the Aerio without a license: "Go ahead. If the cops ask, I'll just tell them you stole it."