This is bullshit, I thought to myself as I pedaled my bicycle across the remains of a warzone. Burning cars and rubble littered the streets. Paramedics trying to save the wounded. Firefighters pulling people from collapsed buildings. Officers working on evacuating people to safety. And me, trying to deliver a couple of pizzas in 20 minutes or it's free because some guy on the other side of town couldn't wait until the superheroes finished their battle.
My phone rang and I answered it through my ear piece. "Hey kid, you still out there?" my boss's gruff voice blared in my ear.
"Yeah," I said, "I found a side alley off of 22nd Avenue that seems relatively safe for now. Just passed Grant and coming up on Hill." Just as the words left my mouth an explosion shook the ground and nearly knocked me off my bike. I guess the fighting must be moving back this way.
"You're doing the shop proud, kid." He paused and I heard the rustling of papers. "You're also a lot further along than I thought you'd be. You need to get yourself onto 23rd. Left side, look for the Tordite building, blue tinted glass all the way up. Underground parking garage. They'll guide you from there."
The boss hung up before I could ask him what any of that meant. Why move closer to the danger when I'm safer on this street? In fact, after that last explosion, maybe I should move several blocks in the opposite direction. Except the boss hasn't steered me wrong before. He even tried to talk me out of taking this delivery. But the boss is paying, and Pop always said that if someone's paying then you should do your best for them.
Just then, a burning car plummeted out of the sky and slammed into the asphalt. I jerked my bike handles into the danger and onto 23rd Avenue, betting that the boss knew what he was talking about.
Ahead of me were more burning cars, shattered windows, and the occasional corpse. I pedaled as hard as I could, my eyes searching for the Tordite building. Though all the distinctive blue windows were shattered, I finally found it by the brass name plate miraculously attached to the front of the building.
I swung my bike down the ramp to the underground parking lot and was immediately greeted with a shuttered steel gate. So much for this plan, I thought to myself as I turned my bike back toward the street.
"What are you doing here?" said a deep voice behind me. Cautiously I turned to see nothing except the steel garage and the darkened parking garage beyond.
"Um hello," I said into the darkness. I got off my bike and walked to the closed gate. "Hello," I called out again into the emptiness. I was greeted with the barrel of a gun pressed to my face. Instinctively my hands shot into the air. "Sorry, sorry. I'm not sure what is going on. Mr. Giovanoni sent me here. Said someone could guide me."
The gun barrel pressed harder into my cheek. "Bullshit. Giovanoni's don't deliver during a battle no more. Not since Mr. Giovanoni lost his leg. New delivery boys haven't got a full spine between the lot of them."
I shook my head. "I drew the short straw getting back late from another delivery, and no one else wanted the job." I motioned with my head to the bike and the pizza boxes tied to the back. A flashlight shined from the closed garage, focusing on the shop name written on the side of the box.
The gun barrel withdrew into the darkness. A loud clang! sounded and the gate rose up. A dim light flickered on to reveal a man in an ill-fitting suit. "Sorry about that but we really can't have just anyone finding about The Routes," the man said as he waved me inside.
I walked my bike into the parking garage, unsure of what to expect as the gate closed behind me. Another dull fluorescent light lit up ahead of me, then another one after it, then another to the right of the last one.
"Follow the lights and let the next guide know your destination. He'll send you along to the next station," said the man with the gun. The light above me was already starting to dim. "Better get a move on. Follow your guide's instructions. If you survive, maybe I'll start ordering pizza from Giovanoni's again," he added as the darkness surrounded him again.
On my bike, I cut across the parking garage to catch up with the trail of overhead lights leading me further and deeper into the garage. The trail ended in the sub-sub-basement. At a dead end stood a man in a yellow and black costume.
"Where are you off to," said Buzzzz, the lightning hero. I gave him the slip of paper with the address and he shook his head. "Damn, that's right in the middle of it all." He closed his eyes and I felt a crackle of static all around me for an instant. His eyes opened and he walked to the door on his left. "Okay, I think we can make this work. Take this exit and head straight down the tunnel. Take a left at the first intersection you hit. When you get to the end, climb up the ladder and bang on the door. The next guide will get you from there."
A long loud roar came from the other side of the door. Before I could protest, he yanked the door open and motioned me to go through as a humid breath of wind ripped through the parking garage. "Move before the next train comes through. I was only able to delay it for a little bit."
I pushed my bike through and found myself in a subway tunnel. The door slammed shut behind me. Another low roar started approaching from behind, quickly getting louder. "Dammit," I swore and started pedaling faster than I'd ever gone before on such a narrow ledge. A light bore down on me as I headed toward the intersection. Sure that I was about to end up crushed by the train, I nevertheless continued to pedal, swinging my bike to the left once I got to the intersection. The train continued on straight. I got to the end of the tunnel without any other issues.
Kicking out the stand, I left the bike at the bottom of the ladder and climbed to the top. After three knocks, the door flew open. A blonde women in a black mask poked her head into the hole. "Okay, climb up and I'll bring your bike up afterwards," she said before moving aside.
I scurried up the rest of the way and into the street above. High above us, superheroes and supervillains flew through the air, engaged in aerial combat that made fighter jets look like paper planes. Smoke and dust chocked the air as buildings around us crumbled. Surprisingly, none of it came within a ten foot bubble around my guide and I. My bike floated through the trap door and settled next to me.
"Okay, the ground fight moved on about two blocks down the street and the smoke should obscure us from the fighters up in the air. My force field will protect us from any falling debris, unless someone drops an entire building on us." Then she started running and I followed, staying just a step behind the entire way.
"Sorry, I recognized Buzzzz down in the tunnel but I'm not sure who you are. Are you another hero?" I asked.
The woman in the mask nodded. "I'm not a full member of The League yet. The Routes is kind of a proving ground for some of us up-and-coming supers." Seeing the confused look on my face, she smiled. "First time using The Routes. See, whether they are heroes or villains, none of us for the most part are looking to harm those everyday people just going about and doing their everyday jobs. Jobs that they have to do just to get by in this hectic world. Jobs that some of us do too since superhero-ing isn't really a paying gig. So we established The Routes, a safe way to travel across the city when the safer thing to do would be to shelter at home."
"Then why doesn't everyone use The Routes to keep their businesses going through these crises," I asked.
As if to answer my question, a giant pane of glass shattered on the dome of the super's shield. She turned to me as we walked into a building. "It's still extremely dangerous to be out here. The Guides just do our best to keep you safe through The Routes." Then she reached up and touched her ear piece. "Okay, let the next Guide know about the change of plans." Then she slammed open a fire escape door and we hurried up the stairs.
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