The Apocalypse Prevention Center

Jason: "Hello, you've reached the Apocalypse Prevention Center. My name is Jason. How may I help you today?"

Todd: "Um, is this real? Because I'm kinda out of options her-"

J: "Sir, please calmly state the nature of your world-ending situation. If this is not an emergency, please hang up the phone. We deal with very real crises here at the Apocalypse Prevention Center and have no time for prank calls."

T: "No, no, no. Please don't hang up. I do have a problem. A very real and serious problem."

Slight pause. J: "Okay, sir. Please state the nature of your emergency."

T: "I think my dad just activated some sort of Doomsday device or something. He was speaking gibberish. The only thing I could understand were the words, 'It'll all be over soon.'" Pause. "Then he ran into our basement. I followed, but I don't know, this doesn't look like our basement. I saw him in front of some machine. He was hitting buttons and stuff. Then he just turned around and. and. and he just shot himself. Just like that. Just right in the head."

J: "Okay, first off, I think your dad must've set up some sort of portal from your basement to this workshop you are currently in. That being said, since we do not have your current whereabouts, I'm going to need you to be my eyes. Can you first tell me about the device? Shape, size. Describe it and, if it is doing anything, please describe that as well."

Pause, roughly 1 minute. T: "It's silver, metallic, almost like a garbage can. Dozens of wires running in and out of the device. All colored too. Strange, stick-figure symbols all over the top and sides. A couple of unmarked buttons. A small screen, maybe the size of my cellphone. There's a half-dozen lines and dashes moving in weird combinations on the screen. There's also this whirring noise, like something is spinning inside of it.

15 sec Pause. J: "Okay, that's all very helpful. Now this part is going to sound weird, but I need you to look around the room. Do you perhaps see another, similar Doomsday device anywhere in the room with you?"

10 sec Pause. T: "Sorry, there's nothing else here." Pause. "May I ask why?"

J: "Sometimes we are able to neutralize one Doomsday device by setting off another within the vicinity. It was a 50/50 shot." Pause "I'm going to put you on hold for just a bit while I confer with some of my colleagues."

Hold recording plays: "Thank you for contacting the Apocalypse Prevention Center. Your call is very important to us as well as the rest of life here on Earth. Please stay on the line and we will get back to you shortly." Message loops 8 times.

J: "Thank you for holding. Okay, so I just finished talking with my analysts. Based on your information, we've determined the device to be not only alien in nature but also probably a bomb of some sorts."

T: "How the hell did you determine that?"

J: "According to our extraterrestrial analysts, the lines you describe match a word in the Worchat language, native to planet. Sorry, you probably don't care about any of that. Point is that, as everyone knows, since it is alien, any sort of magic does not work away from native soil so it can't be a summoning or anything of that nature. Also, without a congregation of followers at the event site, our religious specialists safely rule out any divine, Hand-of-God, Rapture-type event. With that we are left with a bomb. What we don't know exactly is if it is a high-explosive type or, less likely, a toxic gas." Pause. "Okay, good news, I've been told that the whirring sound you hear means the device isn't up to full speed yet, so we are just going to destroy it before it reaches critical."

Pause. T: "What do you mean, you're just going to destroy it?"

J: "Our number guys just found your position. Looks like you're about 2 miles below your house. That far down, we are certain we could destroy the device with little collateral damage. Depending upon how far the device has actually progressed, it could still destroy your particular block, but we are hoping no more than that." Pause. "Best case scenario if you ask me."

T: "No, that is not okay. I mean, I'm still down here. What about m-"

J: "Sorry sir, but I've been told that the missile is already on its way. I would like to thank you for using the Apocalypse Prevention Center."

Call ended.


This was kind of a rushed story, I'm not as happy with it as I should have been. It definitely took a lot longer to write than it should have, probably due to how busy I was last week and just basically not making time to write. Originally, it was written in prose form, but then, since the original prompt from reddit/writing prompts was "'Welcome to the Apocalypse Prevention Center.! How may I help you today?'" I definitely think I could have done a better job in prose form, but I'm just too busy to go back and edit it. On that note, though, I've been thinking about writing longer stories and this could definitely be expanded upon. I'm thinking a team that works at the Apocalypse Prevention Center, not just the guy answering the phone. Perhaps the analysts that solve the mysteries of the doomsday devices they encounter. Obviously the stakes are always high (end of the world stuff and all) so the story will also focus on the characters as well. Just a story idea, though this is sounding a lot like the "Global Frequency" comics.