My troops and I rode hard up the hill toward the chapel. The last of the cavalrymen of Grandolheim. 200 strong men on horseback. Purple and gold banners fluttering above our heads. The gleam of the setting sun reflecting off of our armor. Hooves pounding the dirt road like thunder. Now was the time to end this scourge, no matter what some errant knight had to say about it.
As we approached, a giant, green troll, seven-feet tall and just as wide, barreled out of the church toward us. I lowered my lance and urged my horse forward. My lance drove through the troll's chest and out its back. At the same time, it managed to smash its massive fist into my horse, sending me sprawling onto the grass. I got up quick and drew my sword. Next to my pulverized horse, however, lay the dead troll. I turned to the chapel to see a horde mixed with monsters and humans stream out of the building. The thunder of hooves came to a stop behind me.
"What the hell do you think you are doing, Ser Angelhand?" Ser Birchwood shouted as he burst forth from the crowd. His golden armor polished for the occasion, though he still carried a sword at his side as well as two strapped to his back.
"We, the last of the fighting men of Grandolheim, have been sent by King Morgangard of the kingdom of Grandolheim to slay the foul beast Glaurhurion, winged terror of the Eastern Mountains. Justice must be served, now stand aside."
Ser Berchwood stood steady, arms folded, even as I raised my blade. "I will not allow you to advance any further as long as you mean to do harm to my beloved. You and your men have already interrupted our most joyous ceremony and if a single man proceeds even a step further with ill will toward either my bride or any in our wedding party, I will dispatch them myself."
"What seems to be the matter, my knight?" A voice sang from inside the chapel. I looked from Ser Birchwood to the chapel door to see a maiden dressed in a simple, white gown step out into the sunlight. The world seemed to brighten with her presence. Her long, black hair hung to her waist, mysterious as midnight. Eyes that reflected everything good in this world. A simple white gown dressed her person, for no amount of diamonds or rubies could ever match her elegance. I lowered my sword, embarrassed to even have it out in front of such a fair maiden.
At her feet however, her shadow grew larger and larger. As if a force of evil on its own, it spread out further and further, circling the damsel in a twenty-foot circle or darkness. More than just a mere shadow, it wiggled as if alive, like worms or tentacles, grabbing at the ankles of those caught within it.
I raised my sword again. "Foul beast. How dare you hide your hideous nature behind such a beautiful creature. Show yourself in your true form so I may strike you down!"
The maiden cackled, her smile widening, teeth changing to fangs. "If you wish, though I'd hate to see you shit yourself again." She lifted almost thirty-feet into the air as if picked up my an unseen hand. She grew to the size of a small hut while her skin changed from milky-white flesh to red and black scales. An extra set of arms burst from her sides. Her mouth extended outward, filling with row after row of fangs. Every strand of hair thickened and sharpened to a point until a ridge of spikes ran down her back. Four giant, red, feathery wings grew from her back. A cloud of noxious, black gas swirled around her.
Without warning, an inky-black tendril dripping with sludge shot toward me from the miasma cloud. Before I could react, Ser Birchwood shoved me to the ground with one hand while drawing his broadsword with the other. He whipped the sword through the air, slicing the spike before pressing the tip to my throat.
"There will be no killing on our wedding day!" He roared. He withdrew his sword and helped me to my feet. "Now leave in peace."
I lowered my head. I knew there was no way to win this fight, but there was a matter of honor and justice to uphold. "I'm sorry, but restitution for all of the death and carnage done to Grandolheim must be made."
"Restitution? How much would it cost to settle the debt with your king and his subjects?"
I shook my head. "More gold than a landless knight and a savage beast have, I am sure."
Ser Birchwood placed one hand on my chest and leaned in close so only the two of us could hear. "More gold than perhaps the kingdom of Wrothlington has?" he asked, a slight smile dancing on his lips.
The kingdom of Wrothlington was our neighbor to the south. Its troops were known to sack small villages in our territory, at times burning whole crop fields and murdering entire villages. "There is no way the kingdom of Wrothlington would be willing to help you cover her debt, especially not to us."
He looked back to the monstrosity in the sky as she shot a pillar of fire into the air. Then he turned back to me, his smile even wider now. "Oh, I'm sure if Ser Birchwood, Champion of the Emerald Coast, and Glaurhurion, fiery winged terror of the Eastern Mountains, were to ask ever so politely, I'm sure they'd be more than willing to open up their treasury vaults. I'm sure my wife could even persuade them to stop raiding your borders. Politely as ever, of course."
I looked from his sly smile inches from my face to her demonic form hanging in the air and it all clicked. I smiled, possibly just as wide as Ser Birchwood's smile and clasped his shoulder. I turned to my troops. "Peace my brothers. Restitution has been promised. Let us return." I turned to monster in the air. "And peace to you Glaurhurion. May nothing further interrupt your joyous day."
She transformed once more into the maiden and sauntered back into the chapel, followed closely by the rest of the wedding party. Before Ser Birchwood could turn to go, however, there was just one more issue I needed resolved. "By the way, no hard feelings about killing the troll, right? I hope he wasn't one of your future in-laws or anything."
Ser Birchwood smiled wider than I thought possible before patting me on the shoulder. He motioned to the lifeless troll already rotting in the field. "Her ex-boyfriend. Just showed up right before you and challenged me to a dual. You actually saved me a load of trouble. After all, I gotta save my strength for the honeymoon, if you know what I mean." He gave me a friendly nudge with his elbow and a wink before walking back into the chapel.
This story was inspired by the reddit/writing prompts "You are cordially invited to the wedding of of Ser Birchwood, Champion of the Emerald Coast, and Glaurhurion, fiery winged terror of the Eastern Mountains".... I'm trying to think of something else to write here. Usually I have something to say about the process of writing this story or something like that, but this one was pretty straight forward. I knew how I wanted this one to go when I first read this prompt. One thing that this has actually inspired is a series of events that typically happen before, during, and after the wedding of a stereotypical hero and monster. I'm not sure if I'll have time, but I've been thinking about writing about Ser Birchwood and Glaurhurion's first date, Ser Birchwood's bachelor party (monster strip club?), the wedding ceremony, etc. Also, I guess I should probably mention that poor excuse for a wedding invitation, well, I copied the invitation by typing "wedding invitations" into a Google image search. I think the site I got it from was invitationsbydawn.com. I think I also did a pretty good job of editing it with just the basic Paint program.
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