The Valentine's Day Post

One of the few good comic strips in the school paper back at UH

     Well, it's February, which means you can't actually go the month without talking about Valentine's Day. And since that's what it seems like I'm gonna use for this month's theme (because it's easy), there are really only three things that I could write about: Love, Roses, and Chocolates. As you hopefully figured out from that comic strip I clipped out from years back, obviously I'm still single and, with my recent divorce from nicotine, lonelier than ever. I'm still working at the orchid farm on the weekends so there's no way I'm spending even more time talking about flowers. So, that makes the choice of theme pretty simple: Candy

Don't be fooled by that depressed look. She makes that face whenever she's tied up (unless food is involved... or a belly scratch). Though, recently, she has been sadder looking more often, probably because of the scratches on her face. I keep telling her that the cuts on her cheek just make her look more badass but she still frowns a lot. She found a cat in the yard a couple weeks ago and, like she does with all smaller, living things, she decided it existed solely for her to chase and possibly put in her mouth (which is also why I try to keep her away from other people walking their dogs... and those chickens tied up in the yard up the street).

From the first day we got her, Candy has been much smarter than we thought she would be. Turns out she tricked my sister into adopting her from the Humane Society by pretending to be a lazy and quiet puppy (thus easy to care for) while her cellmate chewed on concrete. However, that night, in a new house, in the dark, she managed to climb her way out of a make-shift pen, cross the patio, climb the steps and sleep by the door instead. She also knew instinctively to do her business on the newspaper without any training so that was pretty cool. She managed to get off her chain several times without explanation. Not a link broken or a clip bent. More times than I'd like to admit, I've chased the dog up the street when she's gotten loose... or just slipped my grasp. Honestly, it's just weird that she doesn't lick. And that she's started burying her pee, making me look like the asshole who isn't picking up after his dog.

As you may have been wondering, I consider Candy only partially my dog (mostly to avoid full responsibility for her well-being). She's actually my sister's dog (hence the name Candy), but since she started getting involved in after-school stuff I'm the one who usually takes care of her. Luckily, Candy doesn't ask for much: water, food, treats, clean-up her shit, and letting her off the chain for a bit.

But, its important to take her for a lap or two. Somehow it calms what may be a natural predator instinct she displays in our yard. Or at the least, the walking/jogging tires her out enough that she can't catch the random stray cat hiding in the bushes or the stupid birds stuck in the batting cage. Don't laugh, I've seen her hunting skills first hand. Once, there was a whole flock of birds in our batting cage. And, honestly, it used to be fun to watch Candy chase the birds back and forth, as long as they never landed. This time, a couple of them did land

I tried to draw it to scale but I it was hard enough to just draw

So, which bird does she choose to go after? Does she pounce quickly on the closer, yet larger bird? Nope. Instead, I watched her size up the two targets. Then she sprints clear across the batting cage to the farther, yet smaller bird and scoops it right into her mouth. The whole, fucking bird! Just right into her mouth. And now I'm freaking out because the only part of the bird I can see is its head sticking out, but slowly it is also sinking into Candy's mouth as if trapped in quicksand, you know, except with more crunching sounds.

Recent evidence

Unfortunately, walking Candy comes with one big consequence: my neighbors now think I am more sociable. I'll give you a moment to stop laughing because I'm not joking. Apparently, since I have a dog, it is now okay to start chatting me up in the middle of the street. To be fair, I didn't really play outside a lot as a kid so they might think that I just moved in. And I mean it's everyone: other people walking their dogs, kids wanting to pet her (I promise, I'm not a pedophile), and the one lady who only speaks Japanese. It's gotten so out of hand that I've actually come up with nicknames for some of them (I was gonna draw a map, but it was really hard):
1. Beagle Lady
2. Old lady with tiny dog
3. Smoking lady
4. 2 dogs man
5. Ghost dog (I swear I can hear barking at that house, but I've never seen a dog)

With all the time it looks like I'm going to be spending with her, I'll eventually answer all the questions I have about her (like "what breed of dog is she?" and "why she gets bored with her toys after just one day?" and "why does she only stare at other dogs when peeing outside their fence?"). Besides, she doesn't care as long as I keep mixing treats into her dinner (she almost refuses to eat it without treats mixed in).

enlarged to show texture

Well, that's it. Happy Valentine's Day. And if you've been wondering, yes, I have been writing. I'm working on a new serial plot and, if that story I submitted gets rejected, I'll post it here.