Changes

I had actually started writing this post three weeks ago, but I really wanted to post a good story before putting this one up. As you can see, I did get one story up, though I didn't really care for it (it's missing something). Unsatisfied, I did try to get something better written, which resulted in about 3 half-finished piles of trash, so I'm done with that. Instead of trying to write anything barely-passable and letting this sit also unfinished, I figure I'll just get this done and then move on after. Besides, it's already February. Anyways, another year done and the times have changed. I'm sure a lot has changed in your life over this past year, but, as with other blogs, let's talk about my life.

Let's start this with what inspired this post in the first place: I bought a bigger size of underwear the other day (edit: obviously not the other day, probably like the beginning of January). This really shouldn't have inspired an entire write-up, but here's the thing: I've been wearing the same size shirts, pants, socks, shoes, everything for probably over 10 years now. I would like to believe this is because I've kept myself in such great shape but even I'm not that delusional. No, the truth is that I've always dressed like a piece of shit and all of my clothes are/were probably a size too big (they're definitely at least half a size too big, but no one makes odd number sizes). So, it finally looks like I'm slowly growing sideways to fit the clothes I've been wearing like comfortable tents all these years. I now own at least one pair of shorts that I no longer need to wear a belt to keep from falling off my ass. I needed to get rid of one or two shirts recently because they didn't fit anymore rather than because they were falling apart as I normally would. It's not a good look, but maybe that will finally inspire me to get in shape, you know, like I plan to do every year.

Another change that's happened is that I transferred jobs. I'm still at the same company, just moved from my Processing job to the Call Center.

And now I've got a desk!

I know, everyone I've talked to has said basically the same thing, "Why the fuck would you do that?" Honestly, because I was asked (I've got a terrible history of doing work "because I was asked if I could"). I'm doing pretty well in the just over three months I've been at it, though I've already fucked up a couple of times. The phones keep me pretty busy for most of the day, 97% of those calls being the basic, everyday call. It's the other 3% that make the job interesting: the clients asking for their money; the State Workers who want to argue about rules. Plus I've made several "friends", problem clients who know me by name. Amazingly, I've only hung-up on two clients so far, which I think is pretty impressive. Don't worry, I'm keeping track of these interactions and I promise a post with Call Center stories eventually. I need the material after all. Besides the change in the job I'm doing, the next biggest change is Structure. Back at the Processing Department, I could come into work whenever I wanted, leave when I wanted, take breaks when I wanted. I mean, don't tell my boss, but at one point, I was taking a break almost every hour to go looking for Pokemon. With the Call Center, the phones open at 7:45am and they close at 4:30pm, so that dictates my work schedule. Plus there's only three of us so we need to stagger our lunch breaks so at least two people are still on the phones when one of us leaves. Also, as you can see from the picture, I now have a desk with actual drawers, as well as a file cabinet (not pictured). Still not sure what to fill them all with. So far I've just been throwing random papers and stuff into them, though it looks like I've already dedicated one drawer to bags of chips.

It's not like I'm going to go broadcasting it to the world, but about three months ago I went to my a high school reunion (it wasn't the high school I graduated from, but it was one I went to for two years) and I had my first cigarette in almost 3 years. I also drank way more than I should have and even threw-up when I got home that night. But yeah, my first cigarette in 3 years! as well as my second, third, possibly fourth, I don't remember. I would like the say it was my last, but that would be a lie. I've had several more since then, mostly I'm back to my "I only smoke when I drink" phase again. My throat and lungs do not appreciate it at all, if that makes you feel any better. I cough like I'm going to puke, but it's just so good. I've caught myself a couple times just staring at the cigarette in my hand. "How did I ever let you go?" I'll say, in my head, possibly aloud. I guess I should actively try to stop, but it's not like I'm going back to doing it full-time again, at least I haven't yet.

They were just staring at me as I was buying lunch

Oddly enough, it also appears my daydreams have changed too. Well, maybe it's not that strange. Usually they are dictated by whatever has my interests at the time. Back in high school it was baseball. When I get really immersed in a book, it becomes terrible fan-fiction. When I'm going on a trip, it becomes everything that could possibly happen (no matter how ridiculous) on the trip. Last year, though, I got really into writing which you probably saw through the almost weekly posts, at least for a while. But, like any addiction, there was more to it than just the things I make public, like the blog posts. I'm not that good of a writer so what you might have seen as just one post a week was actually several nights of work. I was also listening to writing workshop podcasts and interviews with authors either at work or in the car. So, more than likely, it was all of those things combined that drove my daydreams into creating fantasies in which I was actually a good writer, well, a famous writer. Yeah, even I know that at the current moment I can't do that (no patience for the longer stories). So, once again I plan to embark on another fruitless journey to getting some writing done. Plus I got a taste of fame from the newspaper article, and I got to say, it does feel really good.