Podcasts, an advertisement

Do you have 15 to 30 minutes during your day when you aren't using your ears? Of course you do. Perhaps while making dinner or trudging along in rush hour traffic or (if you're as lucky as me) when your job merely requires you to copy stuff from one box to another box. Instead of spending that time listening to someone else's bullshit (spouse, kids, co-workers, friends, etc) why not use it entertaining yourself. You're worth it, after all. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe just recommend these podcasts to the person you usually pour your bullshit on so they don't have to listen to your bullshit. Anyways, just tell the folks around you to fuck off, put on your headphones, and take a listen.

Is this entire thing just going to be one big advertisement for podcasts that I'm listening to on my drive to work or while sitting at my desk? Yep. Am I getting paid for writing this? Nope. Why am I writing this when I should be writing literally anything else? Meh, writer's block mostly. It seemed like a fun way to waste time. The boredom/frustration/all of the things that usually get me to quit writing and retreat back into binge reading and video games are starting to bubble up. Mostly the writer's block thing, though. Anyways, let's get started.

Side note: All of these podcasts can be found on iTunes and as far as I know are free, unless, you know, there's a paragraph somewhere that says Apple is allowed to take my first born or something like that (I don't know, I don't read the user agreement).


Hello from the Magic Tavern (new episodes every Sunday)

This is currently my favorite podcast. The premise is simple: Arnie Niekamp, a regular Joe from Chicago, accidentally falls through a portal and ends up in the magical land of Foon (kind of like Narnia, just ... stranger). He befriends Chunt, a talking shapeshifter in the form of a badger, and Usidore, the blue wizard. Instead of going on quests or doing the typical things anyone usually does when they arrive in a fantasy world, Arnie decides to host a podcast in an effort to teach the people of Earth more about Foon. The three of them host the podcast where they interview different creatures and beings that walk into the Vermilion Minotaur, the tavern from which they broadcast. Some of the more memorable guests include:

1. Spintax the Green: "We're finally getting real magic on this podcast!" Like Usidore, he is also a wizard. Unlike Usidore, he is a competent wizard. Spintax constantly upstages Usidore in magical feats as well as embarrassing him with stories from the time they trained together.
2. Jack Vorpal: "Where do you think swords come from? The sword eggs hatch. They start out as dagger larvae and they grow up and some, when they've been around, they begin to develop magical properties." He is considered Foon's greatest swordsman but decided to hang up his sword and become a baker instead. He talks about slaughtering a pack of Smorps, creatures that stand 4 peaches high and follow their leader, a crimson-clad wizard named Father Smorp.
3. Metamore: "I play a character called Frank Wilson. He's a 15th level HR Generalist, split class, Office Machine/Service Rep." He is apparently always in the tavern with another group of folks who play the game, "Offices and Bosses" (the Foon version of Dungeons and Dragons). He convinces the three hosts to play the game where they must try to survive the office work day. In the game, they encounter enemies such as the Talkative Co-worker and a lower level Boss.
4. Larry Birdman: "A field 2,000 yards long and 9 yards wide. Each team has 31 individuals: A Baskin, 19 Hillsmen, 10 Miscellaneous, and 1 Quarterback. The Baskin needs to take a potted flower across the field for 1 point. But if anyone catches a bird, then it is 700 points." Larry Birdman is the commissioner of the Foon Mittens League, the most popular sport in Foon. He is a former player and has several changes he would like to be made to the game.

The show is hilarious. I usually hate the interview parts of late night talk shows as well, but these are great. The fact that everyone on the show, from the three hosts to whoever is that week's guest are all improv comedians really helps the show flow as well as it does. And basically, the a lot of the show is an improv sketch, at least it seems like it, the jokes come too quickly for it to be scripted. 


The Basement Yard (new episodes every Monday)

Hopefully by now you've heard of Joe Santagato, probably from the popular Youtube videos like Idiots of the Internet or People of Walmart. If not, I would definitely recommend you watch at least all of those videos. I know, it's basically Tosh.0, which is just America's Funniest Home Videos, but I like his sense of humor. However, that is just the videos. The videos are tame when compared to the podcasts.

Typically, it's just him talking to himself, but, in my opinion, the best episodes are those which he's got someone else broadcasting with him, whether that be his brother or other family members, or his friends that drop by. There is a huge range of topics talked about on the podcast such as current events around the world, masturbation, other Youtubers, drinking stories, living life, or just shooting the shit. Every episode is just him expressing his opinion on these topics, whether they annoy him or interest him or he finds them funny, whatever it is, he'll say it and that's what makes the show great. It's basically like listening to a guy (or a couple of guys, depending on who shows up) have a couple of beers and just talk story, which, when you're struggling to get through that last hour of work, may be all you really want to hear.

The coolest part of this podcast: This asshole is doing all of this from his room, IN THE BASEMENT OF HIS FAMILY HOME! Yeah, think about that while you feel like a piece of shit. It's just him sitting in a chair with a microphone in his basement, which is also his room. No studio or producer or switchboard or writer or any of those other things anyone considers "professional". Just him in his basement and people are paying him (currently he is sponsored by "Blue Apron"). If that doesn't inspire you to do something with your life, then I don't know what will.


Shamfiction (new episodes every Saturday)

There's a writing podcast! Ok, in truth, there's actually plenty of them, but this one has an interesting concept. In this podcast, the three hosts (I've yet to care to learn their names) challenge each other to write fan fiction stories, one story a week. The only catch: The person writing the story has not seen or read the movie/tv show/book/comic. Instead the other two co-hosts will tell the third about whatever it is they are going to be writing that week: the characters, the setting, basic plot, etc.The writer will then write a brief story and the other two will score it and provide criticism based on how well the writer used the information provided to him. The two non-writers will also provide the writer with Bonus Points, certain things that he needs to hit to get full points. Previous bonus points for the episodes have included:

1. Deadpool: One X-men character, but not a good one due to budget issues and Best, creative injury sustained by Deadpool.
2. X-Files: Due to budget reasons, the first season was set in Vancouver so wherever the story is set, Vancouver needs to double for it and Best way Scully misses paranormal event and comes up with ridiculous, real-world explanation for it.
3. Bob's Burgers: Must have a burger of the day, and Someone in the family must waste money on something stupid, and Best ratio of most effort Louise puts into her plot for the lowest pay-off.
4. Friends: A good Joey, "How you doin'?" line, and One of the friends must be dating a person played by a '90s star.

And, like most fan fiction, it's best when you know what they are talking about just so you get all the references, but they do such a good job describing the thing they are writing from that it is actually possible to listen to episodes with just a limited knowledge of the storyline. I've yet to encounter a story that I disliked so far. And they've written such a variety of stories that it's impossible that you haven't seen or read at least one of the source materials.


And that's all of them for now. I'm actually listening to a bunch more (having spent hours browsing the iTunes library) but three seems like a good amount to write about for one post. Or at least I care about writing about for now.