Why I Hate Reading

First, a disclaimer: If you've already decided you're never going to pick up another book for the rest of your life, I would suggest you stop reading this post right now and just carry on with the rest of your life as if you never clicked the link that brought you here (don't be misled by the title). Trust me, it's for the best and I'd rather not waste your time.

Now that we've got that out of the way, let's start on what I wanted to write about (for a while now actually). Plus, this should set up an entire series I was thinking about writing, but more on that later. No one reads anymore. Ok, that was pretty vague. No one reads books anymore. No, I can't back that up with anything even resembling scientific evidence. It's just based on the general reactions I get from people when I reference a book during a conversation or when I try to recommend a book to someone (usually when they didn't ask) or just when I'm reading in the breakroom during lunch. But I understand, I really do. Reading, a big part of it, does suck.

I'll give you a moment to process that. Did I, a person who reads close to two books a month, say that "reading sucks"? Any sane, rational person is probably wondering if this is really me or did someone hack into my account and write this? A less sane, but no less rational, person may even go so far as to suggest maybe I'm currently possessed by the Lord of the Pit? I can 90% assure you that this is in fact me so just let me explain.

First off, if you know me, you know I'm a reader. I read. A lot. That "two books a month" statement wasn't a joke.

No, that's not my collection of books. That's just the books I read last year. Well, most of them. I think two or three might've already been donated to the Savers under my work place. But did you notice how many were by the same author? Bet you didn't. Is that important? In the long run, yes, it is. When I know an author, I'm familiar with their writing style, the genre, and, if it's a series, then also the characters, settings, and basic plot of the whole thing. It's the same with directors and producers: anything with Michael Bay is going to have tons of explosions; Quentin Tarantino is going to have blood and great dialogue; Jerry Bruckheimer is going to be gold (seriously, has that guy been attached to anything that was a piece of shit yet?)

Based on that, would you like to know how many of those books were written by authors I was completely unfamiliar with? 2. Yeah, just 2 of those books were written by an author I was unfamiliar with. And honestly, about half of these books I'd already read at least once before. It was just getting too hard to search for books.

Like I said, I understand why many people say that reading sucks (or at least I think I do). It isn't the reading part, necessarily, it's the looking for something to read part that sucks, or at least that's what people have told me. "I'd read more if I could just find something interesting," I've heard. But finding something to read is hard. I've even started referring to the hours I've spent between the shelves at Barnes and Nobles as "The Search". I know, it's not that creative, but you try come up with something catchy when you've walked the shelves half a dozen times in one trip and still have nothing to show for it. It's horrible. You think I'm lying. "Oh you love reading, you must love looking for new books, too?" you're thinking. Well, fuck you. I hate looking for new things to read. I cried when Fables ended because that was the series currently satisfying my comic book addiction. I went into withdrawals when Simon R. Green ended his Nighstide series. I'm about a month away from writing death threats to Jim Butcher to hurry up with the next Dresden Files book. I hate looking for new books to read. I love FINDING new books.

It's hard looking for something new to read. Much, much harder than looking for something new to watch. Obviously, first you've gotta go to the bookstore and that's a pain in the ass (it's just not the same browsing for books online). Then you've gotta find something that appeals to you BY THE FUCKING TITLE/ COVER ART! Yes, I know the old saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover" but there's no way I'm skimming every single book on the shelf. If someone wants me to read their book, well they should put just as much effort into the title and the cover art to get me to pick up the book in the first place. Oh, most times there's also a little teaser on the back of the book or inside the jacket cover, but honestly I don't feel I get that much from it. Sure, it gives you the basics (i.e. main characters, settings, some semblance of plot, etc) but I feel like it misses one of the most important parts: HOW the story will be told. A writer could have the greatest plot and most interesting character ever, but if I hate their writing style, it's not even worth reading. I've actually bought books and gotten rid of them just pages into it for this very reason. So how do you gauge writing style? Obviously by reading the book. I'm not ashamed to say that I've stood in an aisle and read the entire first chapter of a book (or at least most of it) before deciding to buy it. And, unfortunately, it does have to be the first chapter, you can't just flip to a random page and start reading from there or else you've got no idea what's going on. I know, it works for movies and TV shows, but trust me, I've tried. And, finally, comes shelling out $8 to $15 per book at the checkout counter. And now you've got ONE book. Repeat. After all, you don't want to have to come all the way back here in just a couple of weeks.

Why is it so much simpler to find new movies and TV shows? Because they are much more easily accessible. Trailers are right there on the YouTube homepage; they pop-up as ads during whatever TV show you're currently watching on whatever platform you're watching it on; most video-streaming sites will already recommend things to watch based on what you're watching/ previously watched. And they can show you the good parts in the trailers, the parts most people want to see, the stuff that will catch your eye and make you go, "okay, I'll give it a shot." (I just watched the trailer to the upcoming "Lethal Weapon" TV show and I gotta say, I'll watch the first episode). Can't do that with books - you just gotta hope the author is really good at writing a catchy first chapter or that thing is going back on the shelf. Plus, because everyone watches movies and TV, well, you could easily compare shows with them to find new shows that appeal to you.

And yes, I do watch A LOT of TV as well. Hell, just the other day I spent my entire day off clearing out the goddamned DVR at home. And that's what I'm thinking about writing a series about: Book recommendations based on TV shows/ movies.

Still confused? I'm a little too. So, I've been pretty lazy with writing in all the years that I say I'm going to write more. One of the difficulties is coming up with something new ALL THE TIME. It leads to frustration, which leads to writer's block, which leads to missing deadlines I set for myself (remember when I said I'd write a story once a month? that didn't go too well, did it?) and that just leads to giving up. So basically I'm just looking for something easy to write when I can't come up with a new story. Something I can do the same thing, just rehashing certain aspects of it (I mean it works for John Taffer, right? I love "Bar Rescue"). Plus I know a fair amount about books and TV so I think that I can do a great job at this, maybe. I'm getting less certain with every word I write so I should probably wrap this up. Anyways, it seems easy enough (I've been telling myself). And, if this works as intended, maybe I'll have some new people to discuss books with.