Addiction

So, apparently last week marked one year since I quit smoking. Sorry, I would've made a much, much bigger deal of this earlier, but I was a little preoccupied with getting my last two wisdom teeth pulled.

Doctor: "Do you have any questions before we start?"
Me: "Can I have my teeth when you're done?"
Doctor: "Umm, yeah, I guess."

Plus, it meant two straight days off of work, watching TV all day and tweaking on Destiny (when the servers weren't broken). Eventually I'll catch up with all the stuff on the DVR. Also, I'm still busy with plucking food out from those gaps in my gums so that takes up time.

Back on topic: Addiction. Apparently it's been a whole year since I had my last cigarette (December 5th, 2013... wait that was two weeks ago). And honestly, it still feels like a pretty stupid decision. I don't feel any healthier, though that could be because I haven't actually done anything to get myself healthier. I guess I was just hoping it would happen on its own. Actually, I feel unhealthier since I quit. I've actually gone to see the doctor. Yeah, so now I have a doctor to see when I'm sick instead of just waiting it out like I usually do. I've had some cavities recently and they even needed to put in a crown. I think that's why I started brushing my teeth twice a day (though I still haven't given in to the dentist's "suggestions" of flossing). So maybe all those toxins were actually sustaining me? or maybe I'm just getting... old.

Did you know it never goes away though? The cravings. The urge. At least they haven't so far. I'll admit they've dulled to a whisper, but it's still there. I think I've only managed because I've been trying my best to avoid cigarettes at all costs. Is avoidance really quitting? Plus I've regressed back to being a shut-in so that helps in just avoiding people in general. But the craving is still there: when I see someone else with a smoke, when I'm offered one, when I'm standing in the checkout line at Foodland. The smart phone I now own doesn't seem to help as much as I expected it to, mostly because I haven't embraced mobile games like I thought I would. I've even decided which pack I'm going to buy first, if I ever start again

Hello, old friend

Anyways, I think what I originally intended to write about was the stuff that has filled the void which quitting smoking has left in me (and no I don't mean holes in my lungs). I assume everyone has stuff they're addicted to, that they latch on to for some sort of satisfaction or something like that. Yeah, that sounds a little unbalanced but as long as it doesn't get me applying for psychological disability, I'm OK (and trust me, I read the doctor's reports, I know what psychological imbalance looks like... and sometimes smells like).

So, I've always been a reader, but honestly, this was a bit ridiculous

The craziest part, this isn't even all of the books I read this past year. Some are just too far under my bed to grab and others are still on loan to a couple of various friends. I think in total, it comes out closer to twenty-five. I think I started realizing there might be a problem when I was making monthly trips to Barnes and Nobles and when I was ordering them in bulk from Amazon. I think it was mostly to cure the boredom I used to use cigarettes for, as well as to cleanse my brain from the crap at work.

It also took me a while to realize I've been focusing a lot on K-pop. It's made its way from my writing playlists (great for background noise when you can't understand the lyrics) to my regular, daily playlists I listen to at work. Then I once typed in "Apink Mr. Chu live" into Youtube only to discover I'd actually seen ALL of the performances. Same with Girls' Generation's "Mr. Mr." and Girl's Day's "Something". I didn't think of it as a problem (just the actions of a zealous fan) until I found myself searching (and at times, even waiting) for various English-subbed videos. Finally, I realized this whole thing might be a problem when a started spending all night watching random videos... and when I bought this

Yeah, that's a book. A book about K-pop idols. I don't even follow the lives of American celebrities I've been watching all my life, why the hell am I interested in the personal lives of music idols I've only been following for about two years now? Well, I've been working on limiting the amount of videos I watch everyday so hopefully that should cut it down to a more manageable (i.e. less stalker-ish) level.