My New Year's Resolution

Dear Marlboro,

We've had a long run together (can you believe its been almost a year and a half already?) but we both knew this was coming. This has been my longest relationship to date (except for the one with X-Box, but that's still an on/off thing). I promise it isn't because there's someone else though I guess you have some right to be jealous. I know I've been having weekly rendezvous with College Football Parlays but that relationship brings more pain than pleasure. Besides, I've only hit it once so it shouldn't really count, right? I also know I've been neglecting you for Alcohol more times than I can remember, and I seem to have developed a thing for Irish Car Bombs but it feels like another one of those passing phases. I will admit to you that Johnnie Walker and I are close but no matter what we will only be co-workers.

Though this is goodbye, let's not forget our long history together. Our families had known each other for a long time already. Your cousin Now was always there to greet me at the door everyday when I got home from school. But its been 5 years however since he and my dad have spoken to each other and I guess that shows just how much times have changed. My family was not happy when they found out about you and I. Some of my friends even went to extreme efforts to try to separate the two of us, sabotage what we had. Do you remember the time Allison tried to drown you that night we all went out drinking? You were good to me during that time of my life but now I think its time I make a decision that's best for me.

I know we will always be friends, maybe even hangout every once in a while and I may even one day realize I've made the biggest mistake of my life and come, literally, crawling back to you. Until then I just want you, need you to know that we can no longer be what we once were. Please don't make this any harder than it has to be for the two of us. No silly games to catch my eye - a different streak of color across your carton or change in blend for a smoother taste. I know we will see each other again - across the counter at the 7-11 or at parties, you with new flame. And whether it is a good or bad memory that strikes when we lock eyes, let's just leave us at that, a memory.





fuck, now I want a smoke...