Books of 2022: Quarter 3

 Catching up on 7th grade reading

 

Search for Senna by K. A. Applegate

"Slowly Senna climbed to her feet. She turned and looked at us. She was maybe a hundred feet away.
     I could see confusion on her face.
     Her mouth formed the word, 'no.'
     And then the entire universe ripped apart."

Mysteriously called together one early morning, a group of average high school kids witness one of their own dragged through a portal in the jaws of a giant wolf, ripped from our world into another. In its wake, the four are brought through as well as the portal closes behind them. David, Christopher, April, and Jalil (almost strangers to one another) find themselves prisoners in Everworld, another dimension created by the old gods when they retired from Earth. Held captive by Loki accused of hiding his captured witch, the four of them search for not only a way to return home but also to save Senna, where she may be.

Land of Loss by K. A. Applegate

 

"Somehow, someway, for some reason, the old gods of Earth decided to abandon the real world. We didn't know why....
     They brought along all the creatures of myth and legend. And they dragged a healthy number of humans across with them, because, hey, what's the point in being a god if there's no one around to kiss your immortal butt."

Alongside Vikings, the stranded teenagers set sail for the realm of the Aztecs and their sun god, Huitzilopoctli. In an effort to secure the release of Odin from Loki's clutches, the Vikings need to take the sun god's head, while the group goes along believing themselves safe amongst the Vikings in case Loki comes for them. Christopher witnesses the horrors of combat and violence and so much worse in the clutches of the Aztecs. The group will need to rely on one another to not only survive the ordeal but escape to find their way home.

Enter the Enchanted by by K. A. Applegate

 

"We don't exactly know what Everworld is. We know it is a universe constructed by the fugitive gods of ancient Earth. We know that recently alien immortals have found their way in. Interlopers in a private chat room."

Reunited with Senna, April and the group find themselves in the company of Galahad and other knights of the Round Table. Momentarily safe within castle walls, the group looks to Senna for answers and only receives more questions: Is Senna really a witch? Is she their only way home as well as the way for every other being in Everworld to return to Earth? Can they escape Everworld, back to their lives, knowing that the monsters in Everworld can also use her a a portal to escape back to Earth?

Realm of the Reaper by K. A. Applegate

 

"Then the pig said, 'Give me your apples. Give me your apples or I'll gut you, one by one.'
     We gave him our apples.
     Just another day in Everworld."

Trudging through the woods, Jalil and the group are swept into an unsettling city at the base of a mountain where the guards face inward, allowing anyone to enter but ensuring no one leaves. The group finds themselves the guests of Hel, daughter of Loki and Ruler of the Viking underworld.

Discover the Destroyer by K. A. Applegate

 

"There was a stone, a ruby inside by chest. Right where my heart should be. And in six days it would burst into flame and kill me. We were thirsty, hungry, exhausted. Our heads, or at least my head, was full of recent memories of unspeakable horror.
     But I was feeling strangely upbeat."

David and the gang are set on a quest by a robbed dragon from Norse mythology - get my treasure back from the fairies, or the rubies swapped for your hearts will ignite and kill you. The five teenagers discover fairy land isn't quite what the real world makes them out to be, finding instead a giant marketplace - the hub of all of Everworld's commerce. Getting back the treasures is never as easy as just asking, and the fairies are too martially superior to swing a sword at. Instead the group will need to come up with something of value to trade, but what can they offer when the fairies not only control hordes of riches but they're also bargaining against the god-eater, Ka-Anor?

Fear the Fantastic by K. A. Applegate

 

"Whenever Everwold me went to sleep I sort of snapped back into the continuing saga of boring, real-world me.
     A great life. I could be dragon food one minute, fall asleep, and still have to face the SAT's.
     Here's a news flash: Life isn't fair."

Things had just started to look up for Christopher and the gang: They got their hearts back from a greedy dragon, they escaped an entire city of fairies that hated them, and now they were rich with a backpack full of diamonds. In Everworld though good things don't last forever, as the group finds themselves not only captured by Hetwan aliens but heading right into their territory. Promised immortality by a captured Greek god, the group finds they'll still need to pass right through Ka-Anor's capital to reach the relative safety of Olympus.

Gateway to the Gods by K. A. Applegate

 

"'Yeah. You know what? Screw their little temper tantrums. I'm tired of this. This is what comes from having your butt kissed for thousands of years. Reality time for the gods starts right now.'
     I think all three of us were proud of David at that moment.
     And all three of us edged slowly away from him."

Atop Mt. Olympus, the group finds a sanctuary they had yet to experience in their entire time in Everwold: A soothing bath, plentiful food, soft beds. The only downside appears to be the army of Hetwan marching against the Olympian gods who appear to be indifferent to the threat they face. April and the group must work to not only unite the gods but also assist in the effort to drive back the Hetwan army.

Brave the Betrayal by K. A. Applegate

 

"We had to figure out how to undo our careless mistake. We weren't exactly the serpents in the Garden of Eden, but we had managed to take a bad situation and make it worse.
     We had introduced gunpowder."

"Yeah, Jalil, tell yourself that's all there is to it. Tell yourself it's not personal. It's not ego. Real-world reason meets magic? No, real-world, nuclear-age ruthlessness meets Everworld naivete."

The Coo-Hatch, alien mortals kidnapped by their own alien god, have proven themselves a threat but also proven that they can be bargained with. The price - to be returned home and leave Everworld behind. The group is tasked by the Olympian gods to find Senna's mother, a priestess of Isis who can supposedly create a strong enough gateway to the Coo-Hatch home. On their way to the land of the Egyptian gods however, Jalil and the rest will need to cross the African region. Confronted and confounded by a messenger, the group will fight against a simple request but one that also challenges their beliefs - give a sacrifice in honor of the gods. In the real world, Jalil also faces an even more terrifying challenge - asking a girl on a date.

Inside the Illusion by K. A. Applegate

 

"They saw me as a witch. A gateway. A mutant freak who lived in both universes at once. To the gods I was a tool or an impediment. But they did not fear me, oh not yet. They didn't fear me because they didn't understand. They didn't see the crucial fact."

The group's entry into Egypt to search for Senna's mother, of course, does not go as smoothly as they hoped. They find Egypt choked and starved due to the damming of the Nile by dwarves. The city itself, its temples and palaces, are ruled by Amazons who are systematically looting everything of value while the Egyptian gods lay dormant. Expecting to find in her mother a power like herself, Senna instead finds a sad and scared woman simply looking to run to the next easiest thing - an utter disappointment in Senna's eyes. but the group will still need her to complete their bargain with the Coo-Hatch and turn the dies in the war with Ka-Anor.

Understand the Unknown by K. A. Applegate

 

"Didn't want to go to sleep and cross over to the real world, the old world. Just wasn't in the mood to deal with my mother or my job or school or any of those other people and things about my old life that no longer seemed very important."

Having escaped Egypt with a promise from Senna's mother to help send the Coo-Hatch back home, the group sets sail for Olympus. Thanks to Merlin's meddling, and a god-created storm, David and the group are sunk down into Neptune's domain where the psychopathic god rules his denizens through fear. Finding himself against a foe that could drown them with a thought, one that he cannot fight through brute force, David must find another way to save his team and escape. 

Mystify the Magician by K. A. Applegate

 

"'I'll go with you,' I said, startling myself and earning an honest surprised look from Elf Mommy, and a look of warm appreciation from Etain.
     'You will?' April said, more puzzled than impressed.
     'Yeah. Someone's going to need to show these two heroes how to run away.'"

Arriving back on the surface, the group find themselves on Eire shores in a town under the protection of Merlin himself. A town, in fact, though missing the protection of a god, managed to not only thrive, but even embrace the technology brought to Everworld by the group: electricity, telegraph, even a working cable car. Christopher even finds - love. Though safe for the moment, the group knows it is only a matter of time until Merlin's return. Senna though, unwilling to wait until she is formally captured, begins to enact her master plan, jeopardizing Christopher, the group, and even Everworld itself.

Entertain the End by K. A. Applegate

 

"Now, here we were, the four of us, planning an invasion of Hel's domain, fading or already gone in the real world, more than  likely we'd spend the rest of our lives in Everworld, a place of massive uncertainty, fear, and violence. And on some distant level, I really didn't mind."

April, the group, and a few others escape the capture of Merlinshire by Senna's soldiers but now see a new threat. With the Sennites, armed with real-world technology, now leaderless, and Ka-Anor, the alien God-Eater, both a threat to Everworld, the group decides it is finally time to gather forces to destroy one of the groups before they team-up and destroy Everworld together. To do so means another trip to Hel to rescue a couple of imprisoned gods, a realm none of them are happy about revisiting.

I don't remember exactly what it was that even reminded me of a book series I started in middle school and never finished as the school library only carried the first couple of books. So anyway, reminded, I first checked Amazon to make sure ALL the books were for sale (no point in buying a couple at a time only to find even just one book missing), then splurged and bought them all at once. So, that's what the reading list looked like for a while, though it really should not have taken me three months to finish as the books are meant for folks much younger than me. I know when I got caught up in it, it took me less than a week to finish a book but other things came up and some days I wouldn't read at all. And if you read the last book post, you know what that thing is.

Like another K. A. Applegate series, "Animorphs" (another I also never finished), each book is narrated by a different character from their perspective. Also like "Animorphs," this wasn't the typical teenage power trip fantasy that I was used to at the time. The four main characters are way out of their depth in dealing with the threats Everworld presents. David attempts to deal with it with bravery and confidence, and finds himself severely lacking. He isn't just a child facing battle-hardened adults, but a child fighting monsters and gods. Christopher is the jester of the group, using humor and jokes to deal with his fears. He even acknowledges his fear, just wanting to run away back home to his couch and television. April is the most sensible of the group, the "good girl" who spends her time at school and church and drama club. She attempts to balance out everyone's personalities to help them survive the situation they find themselves. Jalil is the logical one, always looking for a way to make sense of Everworld as fantastical of a place as it is. In the real world, he's plagued by his own demons, a severe case of OCD, but finds himself now fully in control of himself in Everworld.

Everworld itself is a patchwork of different old-world lands and religions and myths pieced together in a way for them all to exist in one seamless space. It's something that little kid me liked to read about, stories of old gods and heroes and monsters - simple stories that older me now knows were simple because myths are how they used to teach, and there's no point in trying to teach someone if the story you're using is just going to go over there head. And little-kid me liked seeing these different ideas blended together - "hey, what if we take these things and just blend them together?" - especially toward the end when we get to see real-world knowledge and tactics challenge the supernatural. I mean, I've probably written stories like that and will continue to write things like that (isn't that what Urban Fantasy is?).

As the series goes along, the group is faced with not the fear of death but even deeper, philosophical questions which Applegate poses to young readers. They find themselves questioning reality and if their Everworld lives have become more important than their real-world selves. Is their lives in a fantasy world really more important than their their mundane lives which is seemingly being left behind? David faces his past trauma to find where his need to always be brave comes from. Christopher, a borderline racist, sexist, alcoholic, and all-around asshole, grows-up after not only meeting people worse than him, but also those that are his better. April's faith is questioned when she calls out to the gods she can see instead of the one the believes in. Jalil's notions of logic, science, and rationalism are challenged constantly by Everworld's fantastical elements which at times hinders the group until he can find a way to balance both in his mind.

The end of the series, now that I somehow know more about books and publishing (thanks writer interviews), makes me think that the deal was only for 12 books and the publisher was unwilling to extend the contract. Who knows, maybe I have that wrong and it did end right where the writer wanted it to end. It just felt unfinished as the major threat was still out there in Everworld and the group simply leaves their real-world selves behind, fully investing in Everworld. Sorry for the 20 year old spoiler. I get that they killed their (possibly) only way back to Earth but I Applegate could have written a way for the group to find a way back if more time was given.

Books of 2022: Quarter 2

From the image you might think that I spent the last three months doing a lot of reading but really it was just the first two months and then my reading stalled out real quick (more on that at the end)

 

 

 How to Invent Everything by Ryan North

"If you are reading this Repair Guide, then you will not be returning to the future, and we apologize for any alleged failures in the FC3000tm, real or implied, that facilitated this scenario.
     If you would like to make peace with the idea that you will never return to your friends and family, please do so now. It helps to focus on the things you didn't like about them, such as their irritating habits or weird smells"

"How can you tell if they're safe to eat? A bad answer is 'eat a bunch and see if you die,' a better answer is 'eat just a little bit and see if you die,' but the best answer is 'read this section and then remember what you read, because there's actually a way to eat strange foods relatively safely.'"

Introduced as a sort-of manual for a futuristic time-travel device, after a brief introduction the manual jumps to a repair guide in case your rental time machine breaks down ... and guess what, there isn't one. Instead what follows is a guide to restarting civilization from the very beginning of human history, you know, to make you more comfortable with your situation, assuming you're stranded in the past. Though humorous throughout, the book (obviously) is still dense with fact and knowledge, enough so that I split my reading into two parts with another fiction book inbetween (yeah, you guessed it, another Jack Reacher novel). I'd put this book on a "Books to Buy" list (yeah, I've got one of those) because I'd been watching Dr. Stone at the time and, from the title of the book alone, I was interested. Dr. Stone, in case you don't know, is an anime in which every human on Earth is turned to stone for ... a long time (millennia, I think, I forgot) until Senku, a high-school genius, breaks free and sets to restoring civilization using his knowledge to re-create everything from ramen to radios. So a book that could give me the knowledge to make me the main protagonist in case the world suddenly needs to restart ... how could I pass that up? Yes, I know it won't as I barely remember what the different sections were, not to mention with my luck, day one of the apocalypse will find me in a rainstorm, soaking the book and once again making me useless.

Several sections include:
1. Five fundamentals you'll need to restart civilization: a) Spoken Language, b) Written Language, c) Numbers, d) the Scientific Method, and e) a Calorie Surplus (because you can't create civilization if most of your time is spent looking for food)

2. The Basics of Farming such as setting-up a crop rotation to make the most of your land

3. Useful Plants and Animals, and where and when they were first found (and possibly domesticated) so you know what to look for depending where and obviously when (see broken time machine) on Earth you're stranded

4. Re-creating musical instruments (percussion, string, and wind), the sounds most people find appealing and how to recreate that, and even how to read music

5. Computers, or at least the basics of it using logic machines. Honestly, I got bored at this part and didn't finish it. Really, I'm hoping that enough of the previous sections stay with me just so I have the basics, but this part, I'm not too concerned about using as, if the world is relying on me, then we're all already fucked.

Also, I made it through about half the book before I realized that the "ADVANCE UNCORRECTED PROOFS - NOT FOR SALE" marking on the cover is not a design but designates this book as an advanced copy that somehow got out to the public (I found it for $6 at Book-Off), which explains some of the publishing errors. Now though, I'm not sure if this particular book would actually help me as the marking does indicate that there are definitely errors, possibly with some of the facts too.

Worth Dying For by Lee Child

"He lived in a world where you don't start fights but you sure as hell finish them, and you don't lose them either, and he was the inheritor of generations of hard-won wisdom that said the best way to lose them was to assume they were over when they weren't yet."

"The standard first-aid remedies taught by the army medics were artificial respiration and external chest compressions, eighty beats a minute, as long as it took, but Reacher's personal rule of thumb was never to revive a guy who had just pulled a gun on him. He was fairly inflexible on the matter."

Passing through a small town, Jack Reacher finds himself at a motel bar next to a doctor refusing to treat a patient. After a little persuasion, Reacher discovers the woman's husband is the culprit but she asks Reacher not to retaliate, which of course doesn't happen. That's when Reacher finds out just who it is he's messed with - the one family in the town that everyone fears. Just looking to hitch a ride out of town, Reacher finds himself hunted on acres of flat farmland with no where to hide.

In the middle of How to Invent Everything, I decided to take a breather with another Jack Reacher novel, this one the missing book I hadn't been able to find. Taking place after 61 Hours, Reacher still bares the injuries of surviving an explosion, dragging himself out of a cavern against hurricane-force winds. Though injured, Reacher barely slows down as he sets out to deliver his own style of justice on those that would make themselves his enemy. Unlike many of the other books, this one doesn't quite stand-alone as it references the previous book in Reacher's injuries and for the destination he is traveling. Based on what I skimmed online, it's actually part of a set of four books that sort-of interconnect (at least more so than other Jack Reacher novels) ending with Never Go Back which the second Tom Cruise movie was based upon.

Monster Hunter Alpha by Larry Correia

"'Silver bullets,' he explained. He stuck his gun back into his holster, then took a cigarette out of his coat and put it in his mouth. 'Your regular ones won't do shit to a werewolf. I'll give you a B for effort, though.'"

"Maybe that amulet granted immortality, and then again, maybe nobody had every bothered to shoot the son of bitch wearing it with an 84mm high-explosive round from a recoilless rifle before. Immortality was a relative term in this business."

Earl Harbinger, the nearly immortal werewolf and current leader of Monster Hunter International, is also one of a few PUFF exempt creatures, his safety earned through service to the United States of America. His past however comes back to haunt him when he's given intel that a monster from his time in Vietnam resurfaced in America looking to become the king of the werewolves. Not wanting to involve the rest of them team in his mess, Harbinger sets off to Michigan to confront an old enemy, and instead finds a plot much more sinister.

It took me a forever to find this book. I kept think I'd eventually find it on my next trip to Barnes and Nobles so I'd hold off on ordering it online only to continuously find it not in stock. So, I gave up and ordered it. The third book in the Monster Hunter International series, this one though, not focusing on Owen Pitt (the protagonist of the last two books). Instead, this one stars Earl Harbinger as he tackles problems from his past. Just as in the last two books, this one is again filled with blockbuster-movie levels of action. If you like action and guns and monsters and violence but never believed you could find it all in one book, well this is the series for you to read.

Verity by Colleen Hoover

The first sentence of the book: "I hear the crack of his skull before the splattering of blood reaches me."

Lowen is a small-time writer struggling financially when she receives a request to takeover the book series of another author, Verity Crawford, an established and well-known author. Reluctant at first, Lowen eventually agrees on behalf of the writer's husband, Jeremy. Upon arriving at their home to review Verity's notes, she finds Verity in a nearly vegetative state, the result of a car accident. In her search of Verity's office however, she finds an autobiography supposedly written by Verity herself that paints an image of the writer that grows more and more disturbing the further she reads. Stuck in the house with a man she's growing more and more fond of everyday and a women she's growing equally fearful of, Lowen searches for the truth behind this family's tragic history.

Not a book I would've picked up on my own. At the time I'm writing this, I recognize Hoover's name from the multiple times it appears on the weekly top-seller list. I have no idea what other types of books she writes, I'm completely unfamiliar with her work. But my co-worker had just finished it, describing it as a suspense/ mystery story. I immediately assumed, "Oh, like all those Jack Reacher novels you see me reading. Okay, I'll take a look." Then I read the teaser on the back of the book and thought, "Oh, not like those Jack Reacher novels," disappointed. Then, on the very first fucking page, some guy gets his head crushed under a bus, and I was hooked. Just some random dude getting hit and squished by a bus, some random guy we never learn more about, at all, through the rest of the book. The rest of the book though follows suit in terms of graphic nature, mostly a lot of sex scenes (one of the reasons I got the book was because my co-worker didn't want to share it with her dad as she normally does, "because sharing a book filled with sex with my dad, and then talking about it is weird."). If you can handle that, the rest of the book balances out the erotica with creepiness and suspense as Lowen tries to find the truth behind Verity and what is happening in the house.

Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler: I should really put this here first because well, according to the newspaper, this is a best-seller, so there might be a better than the usual minuscule chance someone (for reasons unknown to me) is looking for books using my dumb blog and may actually want to read this. Okay that's enough time for you to scroll past to the next book (just look for the next picture):

What a bullshit ending! So, did Verity really kill her child? Is she really as malicious as she appears in her autobiography or was it really just a writing exercise as she claimed in her letter? Who fucking cares? Apparently a lot of people from the other reviews I've seen online. The person we should be looking at is Jeremy, who in my theory, brought in Lowen not because of her writing style but because she writes mysteries and thrillers, and who better to help you figure out how to murder your wife and not leave behind evidence than someone who technically does it for a living?

Spaceship Earth by 

Simon Gunslinger is smart, creative, and wealthy, all the traits one needs to help a select group of humans to escape a dying Earth and set out into space in search of a new home and to discover if space really is infinite. The crew of a thousand people leave Earth in Simon's giant spaceship Gaea, a ship that will eventually become the size of a planet, and set out to explore. They'll discover alien races, resolve internal conflicts, and even discover worlds that could sustain human life.

So, I bought this at Kawaii Kon for $5 because, well, another writer was selling it and I'm a writer and it was just $5 (I spent a lot more for less that day), and nothing has inspired me more to continue with my own writing in a long time. And if you know me, you know it wasn't because I thought, "Wow, this is so good. I can't believe this guy wrote this on his own, self-published it, and sold his work at Kawaii Kon." It wasn't that at all. In fact there were so many errors (spelling, formatting, etc) that I know I can do better, and yet this guy put his writing into print and decided, "Yeah, I can sell this to the public." I guess that is one of the issues with self-publishing: some words were merged rather than having a space between them, some spelling errors and grammatical mistakes, extra line breaks, etc. I will admit, I did like the twist ending but the way the story flowed, well, I could tell it was written by someone more adept and familiar with writing scripts and screenplays: not a lot, if any, descriptions or setting up of scenes as that is usually done visually for the TV audience, and a lot more focus put into "telling" the reader what is happening (the whole story is a series of journal entries until the very end). All in all, it was a quick read over a couple lunch breaks, and hopefully (as stated before) gets me to start writing more often.

Night School by Lee Child

Jack Reacher is awarded a medal for service to his country. He is then sent to school under the pretense of inter-agency cooperation along with other outstanding agents from the CIA and FBI. Reacher and the others soon learn that the school is a cover to allow them to work secretly on a single tip received by the National Security Agency from an asset in Germany embedded within a Jihadist sleeper cell: "'The American wants a hundred million dollars,' said the Saudi Courier." Reacher and company are tasked with locating the American before he can offload his merchandise. But what exactly can he move that would cost a hundred million dollars?

Another Jack Reacher novel, this one set back when Reacher was still in the Army. This one I picked up with the batch of books I bought before the most recent purchase when I couldn't find the next one written chronologically. Since this book is a prequel book, I figured I could read it out of order without ruining the story line.

Deadly Class vol 11 by Rick Remender

It's the early 2000s. A reunion of sorts as Marcus seeks out Saya, pulling her from the depths of addiction and back to the fearsome warrior she once was. More reunions follow as more of the survivors are brought back together, though, of course, happiness doesn't last forever.

It feels as if time is winding down for what could be the last class of King's Dominion as it is now the early 2000s compared to the 1980s where the story first started. The story is filled with the brutal violence the series is know for, but also includes a good bit of reflection by Marcus on his past, from where he came from to where he finds himself now, one of the world's deadliest assassins. Besides of course the action the series has been known for, I really liked the reminiscing done by Marcus in this volume. I don't know, maybe I too am getting old.

Dungeons and Dragons Starter Set Rulebook and Lost Mine of Phandelver

 The "Rulebook" details the most basic things you need to know when starting to play: the basics of your character (which the box provides 5 pre-made characters or you can easily make your own through the D&D Beyond app, or figuring it out with the "Player's Handbook" which you'd have to buy separately), combat, spellcasting, and movement/ travel - all the important aspects of dungeon crawling. It's the "Player's Handbook" in its most basic form, which I know because I also bought the Handbook ... and couldn't stop smiling as I held it in my hands (as I've wanted it since I first saw it at Kawaii Kon).

More importantly, "Lost Mine of Phandelver" is a contained 4-part adventure meant to get everyone involved, both Players and Dungeon Master (DM), comfortable with playing D&D. Obviously, the Players become used to playing as their chosen characters and testing what they can do within the game. It also teaches the DM about roleplaying (providing several different NPCs to act out), running random encounters on long travels, tracking movements (who stand where), tracking characters (who attacks who and when), and learning what every fucking character can do (when can who attack who with what and how does it all work). The story itself focuses on a group of adventurers hired to guard a traveling cart as they are drawn into more than they bargained for when the associate who hires them is mysteriously kidnapped. Fighting against goblins and bandits and searching for information, they'll learn the whereabouts of a mysterious magical mine long thought buried.

I swear I had other books to read before I got myself pulled down this hole. So, I'd bought a Dungeons and Dragons Starter Box because I was interested, one other friend expressed interest who also said they might know another person who might be interested, and I knew I could talk at least one or two other people into playing. Plus, I thought it might help with my writing because it seems to be popular with writers, and I had plans to start a sort-of High Fantasy, swords-and-sorcery story... it's still there, I'm working on it. So, anyways, I got the Starter Box, got some friends involved, originally thought about doing some dumb shit as a rogue, then I volunteered to be the DM because the Rulebook literally says, "Since you're reading this, you're a good candidate to be the DM." I know what you're thinking though, "How hard could that be? 1 vs everyone else but you have access to all sorts of monsters." Well, the book also says (sort of), "Hey, don't be an asshole. This isn't just a game but a shared story, and if you just set out to murder your friends, no one is going to have a good time and they'll all hate you." So anyways, both books are a combined 96 pages or so and yet I spent months memorizing as much of them as I could: taking notes, predicting possible dungeon routes, scripting NPC encounters where I could and how to play out the other encounters, learning to calculate stats and rolls, messing with the dungeon maps, and everything else to make it look like I know what I'm doing. And that's why my reading stopped (not why the writing has stopped, I just got lazy and started watching a bunch of shows). 

Also, if you're curious, at the time I'm writing this the five of us are currently just about through the first half of the adventure. Also, if you were thinking I was going to turn our playthroughs into a write-up, you're out of your mind - I barely remember what I did yesterday and you think I'm going to remember EVERYTHING that happened in several three- to four-hour session to script. That's definitely not happening.

Kawaii Kon Memories

 A week ago (couple weeks ago ... who knows, I write slow and don't spend time to editing) was Kawaii Kon - an annual 3-day event celebrating anime, manga, comics, movies, and well all sorts of other geeky stuff. Well, used to be annually, but you know. Anyways, it was back in-person, and after attending for ... mostly a full day (and not having anything new to write at the moment) and to break from my usual writing, I decided to write about this year's event as well as what ever is left of my memories of past ones too, like a memorial. Mostly though, I'm lazy and don't want to write. Okay, I want to write, I don't want to work.

We're going to take this, I guess, from Friday afternoon where I headed over to the Convention Center after work. Aiming to get there around 5:30pm or so, I didn't have much hope of doing a lot that day. All I planned to do was pick-up my badge, look around the sales floor for a bit, and get some autographs (not for me, but a co-worker who wanted stuff signed but didn't want to catch the COVID). Mistake, of course, as parking was full so I hid my car at Ala Moana and walked over. I got in line to pick up my badge at 5:45pm. And, if you went or know anyone who did, then you know about the line everyone stood in. For the next hour and a half, I trudged through the snaking line until I finally got my badge. The first step complete, I raced (walked slightly faster) inside hoping that Robbie Daymond was still signing autographs (one of the other guests cancelled and the other's autograph time ended while I stood in line). Luckily for me (by that I mean luckily for my co-worker) he was still there. Unfortunately for both of us, I have no idea who Robbie Daymond is. I guess now is also a good time to mention I've never gotten an autograph before. So, as Daymond is signing and talking with another fan, a guy next to him calls me over. At first I'm thinking, "Sorry dude, I don't want your autograph" but then I realize he's there to handle transactions (just because you paid admission doesn't mean autographs are free). So I gave him some cash, then explained to Daymond that my co-worker sent me to get a bag signed, a bag he received from funding a Kickstarter for Critical Role (and that's the extent of what I knew was going on). Of course (to be somewhat polite), I lied and explained that said co-worker was covering my shift which is why he wasn't here himself. Impolitely (in typical me fashion) I may have said I had no idea who he was. Then he signed the bag with something about dice-rolling and I was on my way. And that ends my entire Friday night as by then the Dealer section closed and the Artist Alley side would follow soon. 

Not an unexpected outcome however as this is how I've always attended Kawaii Kon - always going after work or school or the farm or whatever else I've got going on during the day - and usually get the same amount done - from as far back as the very first (and my very first) Kawaii Kon in 2005. That time, not only did I not know what Kawaii Kon was, but I didn't even know it was happening. It was junior year and we finished Damien's Field Day event when someone asked if I wanted to tag along. Barely anyone I knew had a license so I think we ended up catching a ride to Ala Moana with another classmate who wasn't even going to Kawaii Kon, he was getting measured for a tuxedo for the prom. Back then, and I guess a couple more years, they held Kawaii Kon at the Ala Moana Hotel and packed it all into one room. Besides all that, I don't remember much else except walking around, looking at different anime and manga-related items for sale. I don't even recall buying anything that year, being a cheap highschool student as well as not carrying a lot of cash back then.

There was one other time that I've actually done less at Kawaii Kon, and that's the year I didn't even make it to the doors. Right after getting my license, I drove Ben and I to Kawaii Kon while it was still held at the Ala Moana Hotel. The issue this time was my driving and navigational skills, which honestly haven't gotten better. As a dumb kid that never pays attention to where things are, we were at the mall but I couldn't figure out how to get to the Hotel part. Yeah, what a moron, as it's literally right there. But we spent (I spent, Ben wasn't driving) long enough driving in circles that I'm surprised no one pulled me over just to say, "Hey kid, what the fuck are you doing?" Well, enough frustrated circles were eventually driven that we completely missed the event. To add insult to injury, as we grabbed food at wherever we were (I want to say McDonalds or some other fast-food place) in walked a bunch of kids in costume who clearly didn't miss the convention.

Saturday was my first time getting into Kawaii Kon in the AM. It was the weirdest thing seeing everything in the daylight - the Convention Center, the people in costumes, everything. Going later in the day, I don't typically get the chance to attend panels and stuff. This time though, I arrived around 9:30am, early enough to get parking but also to attend a morning panel for writing fan-fiction (if you're reading my Emberwilde Comes Pokemon story, you know why). Turns out the panel wasn't just about writing fanfic but writing fiction in general, and led by at least one person probably over 10 years younger than me. It was a great writing refresher though, and I got some useful pointers I'm hoping to apply (not right now, obviously). I took notes. Plus, it was an hour and a half long panel on writing, and I rarely, rarely get the chance to talk writing shop with anyone, or even listen to people talk about writing, thus the reason for all these post-story notes following my stories.

As it was a panel involving writers, of course there was a reference to Dungeons and Dragons (one day I guess I'll find out why it's so popular with writers) which I only mention as a transition to the other panel I attended that day: A Dungeons and Dragons Character Building panel. As the title says, everyone learned to build their own character to use in an actual game of D&D. The only hiccup was that it was one guy helping a bunch of people figure out how to create the best versions of their characters (or in my case, attempting to create a self-sabotaging character, you know, art-imitating-life kind of stuff), and at one point there was myself, Kristian, and at least a half-dozen other people figuring out different races and classes and stats - and that's the easiest part of the creation process. We spent a good chunk of the time just flipping through the introduction book while he helped others at the table looking at random stuff (I want it, just to have, even if I never play). In the end, I got most of the way through creating a Human Rogue though I still need to finish the background details, you know the stuff I tend to skip in my regular story characters which I've determined is another reason they're horrible, a flaw I hope to fix with what I learned at the Fan-Fiction Writing panel - see, things coming around full circle, like it was all planned this way.

As great as these panels were (I'm definitely going to try to get a day-off for the next Kawaii Kon, panels are fun), the panel I will forever remember as the best ever was the FAKKU! panel hosted by the founder himself several years ago. I didn't even mean to go (... promise), I was just at Kawaii Kon with Kristian and this was the only other thing going on that late in the night. If you don't know and haven't googled the name yet (hopefully not on your fucking work computer or HR is definitely paying you a visit), FAKKU! was, is (I don't know) the biggest, I guess, collection of hentai content on the internet (at least that's what I think it was, I'm not going to do research). Obviously, the first thing that catches my eye is a huge projector screen covered in hentai, and I'm thinking, "We'd be able to see the screen better if they turned off the lights," then I look around the room and immediately realized, no, I'd rather not sit in the dark with this crowd. The guy (I forgot his name) talked about his background, how he put the site together, the people and companies he works with, his future hopes for the site, a new game they were in the process of creating - honestly, a lot more business than I expected. Of course, I don't remember everything he said. I do remember he was informative and funny, self-deprecating at times, proud of his work other times - all while pornographic images scrolled by in the background. It was fucking brilliant. That I was more interested in his talk than the boobs behind him speaks to the attention his presentation pulled from the crowd. If you want a Masterclass in public speaking, this is your guy. Oh, and the best part - when the audience got involved, especially when he revealed the game in development. "How do you feel about traps?" or "What if I prefer the girl less willing?" and he just expertly worked his way around these questions without making anyone upset or ashamed or, you know, fully-endorsing rape. "It isn't what I'm into, but we will try to accommodate all of our users' tastes" or something like that. It was magical.

Of course, I didn't just jump from panel to panel. In between, I wandered the main hall which split between a Dealer section and an Artist section. The Dealer section sold licensed merchandise, people in booths representing businesses. In the past, this is where I've bought books and toys and model kits and where I was first introduced to Black Rifle Coffee Company (I miss "Caffeine and Hate"). Besides another Gundam model kit (it was 25% off), the main appeal of the Dealer Room this year was the Crappy Kids booth. I'd heard from a friend that this would be the brand's last year and I confirmed with Chad when I got there. It felt nostalgic to spin the sticker machine a few times after all these years, and a little sad that it would also be the last time. As always (why ruin tradition), I didn't win any of the rare ones, which, not a big deal this time as those sweet, sweet rare, elusive ones were for sale this time around.

This year's haul

 

Snagging my last batch of Crappy Kids stickers, I wandered the Artist Alley half, making the rounds through the aisles. This half of the room is where people sell their own artwork in all forms from posters and banners and stickers to keychains and dolls and lighters. I think I still have a flask with the Flamel symbol from Full Metal Alchemist lying around somewhere. I avoided buying a bunch of posters as I usually do, mostly because I don't tape them up to the wall anymore. I did buy a whole lot of stickers though from several different booths, as well as a couple keychain charms. Though most times it all tends to sit unused, I do like to stick them on my notebooks. Usually one or two random stickers for the notebooks I'm going to toss once filled, but others (like the notebooks for my longer serials - I promise, more of those when I start writing better) I like to match the stickers with the story, like some pokemon stickers in my Emberwilde Comes notebook. Walking along the aisles, looking at each of the booths, I really couldn't figure out if there was one factor that drew a crowd to a booth, or if it really was a matter of personal preference. I know that there's no way I could've done it, to display my hard work and have random folks like myself just give it a cursory glance before moving along. I even bought a book some guy was selling that he'd written (for $5, I've spent more for less), because, well, writer.

And that was my day. Like with any great event you can't get to everything, and there's always stuff I regret not doing because I simply didn't have the time. In past events, I usually regret simply not going to panels that seemed interesting. This year I'm happy I got to do a bunch of stuff that I wanted though I do regret running out of time and not being able to play an actual game of Dungeons and Dragons. Apparently, even at the beginner level, games can run almost three hours long! so there were only a couple time slots available l, and I unfortunately wasn't able to make it to one before I leaving for the day. Unlike previous years, I didn't even attempt to look for anyone offering commission work to create a cover piece to use with my Emberwilde Comes Pokemon fanfic story, so you'll have to be content with my terrible words instead. If I spent more time there though, I probably would've ended up buying a shit-ton more stickers.

I know what you're thinking, "Really, an Author's Note when all you're doing is re-living your Kawaii Kon experiences? It's not like you even worked hard putting together what amounts to a diary entry, and it still took you forever." Sure, not as hard as my usual stories, but it still had its challenges. Taking that picture, for one because of my naturally shaky hands (is that something I should seek medical attention for?) and making sure I don't look like some lunatic scattering trinkets on my bed. Though it isn't how my brain works, my writing in these cases usually tends to flow linearly, list-like, point one, point two, point three, etc but that gets boring. Thanks to a couple of Jim Jefferies comedy specials, this time I tried out starting a story (this year's Kawaii Kon) and dipping into shorter, specific memories of previous Kawaii Kons before circling back to the main story. Frame Story! Fuck, I can't believe I forgot the term. Well, I guess thanks as well to Junior year British Literature class for "Canterbury Tales." So, that was at least a bit of work figuring out how to piece the tiny stories into the bigger one. Plus, you know, not a great character or a very reliable narrator. Also, to be perfectly honest, I wrote this whole thing out just so I could talk about the FAKKU! panel, so great!

The Chosen Ones part 2

It didn't take long, just about half a turn before the wolves struck, invigorated as Ella had said by the Wolf-God's howl. Unfortunately, the wolf with the arrow protruding from its shoulder was heading right for me. Not the scenario Hugh wanted. Which was probably the reason for the hand on my shoulder. Hugh yanked me behind him as he simultaneously shoved Luther away from our group to put himself right in the injured wolf's incoming path.

I stumbled backwards and spun once, twice, until I eventually regained my feet, only to find myself staring into the eyes of an oncoming wolf, presumably one that meant to strike me from behind. Behind me, a glass shattered and the rancid smell of piss, shit, and death filled my nostrils. Unfortunate familiar smells considering the adventures and quests I'd spent my life completing, and I focused instead on the task at-hand. The wolf's senses though did not allow it to simply ignore the new odor, forcing it to pause a beat, whether out of curiosity or disgust I didn't wait to find out. Instead, I tossed the enchanted rope at the stunned wolf. In a moment, the rope had extended itself and immobilized its target. Then it began to tighten. Behind me, I heard Hugh let out a roar as his boots thudded forth on the hard packed dirt. I heard the sounds of knives being unsheathed and decided to pull mine too, just in case. My worries however appeared unfounded as I watched the rope tighten around the wolf's throat, the movement of its chest quicken then slow, then stop, the life disappearing from its eyes.

I turned to see Hugh plunging his own knife into the injured wolf's throat, then ripping it out with a spray of blood. Several other knife wounds covered the wolf's body. Presumably, Hugh had broken the glass containing the vile contents and used the same distraction I had to take down the already injured wolf.

That made two down, but the third? Before I could look, a mouth of blades sliced into the back of my leg, dropping me to my knees. Without breaking stride, the lone wolf sprinted on, the dissipating scent no longer a hindrance, through our group and landing on Luther, tackling him to the ground. The wolf growled as it snapped its jaws and raked its claws while Luther screamed just as loud in return, twisting and turning his body to avoid the worst. Ella let fly a couple arrows, each burying themselves into the wolf's flank, but doing little to stop or slow its savagery. I saw a glint of steel followed by a tiny yelp and the wolf paused its attack for the briefest second. That, however, was all the time Ella needed to put a final arrow through its throat. The wolf paused, the only movement being its jaws opening and closing as if gasping for air. It stepped off of Luther, taking a few paces, its front paws swiping at the arrow shaft protruding from its neck as if it could possible knock it loose. A futile effort in the end when the wolf eventually succumbed to the injury, settling itself on the ground and dying.

The battle over, I attempting to stand, but found myself unable to do so alone. Ella came by to assist, handing me my walking staff for balance once we got me to my feet. "When this is over, we'll get you into the house to get that wound cleaned and closed up," she said. We looked over to the other two boys, Hugh attempting to pull Luther out of the fetal position and to his feet. "Though we might have to start with him," she added.

I patted Ella on the shoulder, smiling. "Don't worry about Luther. He'll be fine. He always is. Somehow," I said, seeing Luther, with Hugh's encouragement, take a moment to steady himself before sheathing his knife. Sure enough, Besides a few small cuts, Luther was just fine having managed to avoid the brunt of the beast's strikes.

"Thank the gods it's finally over. I could've died. This backwoods village better have a healer in town, and a proper one at that," Luther said, showing me a particularly long scratch on his arm, the blood staining his sleeve where the claw cut through but already starting to clot. Then he noticed the gash in my own leg and nearly fainted.

I shook my head again amazed at how Luther managed to survive so many brushes with death. "Okay, those four are down. Two others sneaked off to attack Isaac and Nathaniel to get at the younger children. David and Fiora are still out in the woods distracting the Wolf-God."

A howl that again shook me erupted from the treeline followed by sounds of two kids shouting, and suddenly the decision of which pair to help was made for us. David and Fiora started sprinting from the trees followed a moment later by Kreterack, the Wolf-God. "We need some help here!" shouted David, pumping his arms, his usual aristocratic appearance disheveled by the time spent avoiding the giant wolf. Running next to him, Fiora appeared the same as she always looked as the woods were her usual stomping grounds, though slightly out of breath.

The giant wolf made strides to catch up with the two, but not as quickly as expected as every couple of steps, in mid-stride, a leg would rise just a little higher than usual, scratching its body. To make such a large creature itch, Fiora must've called upon every flea and tick in the woods to hop a ride on the wolf. The wolf was still coming though, even if it was falling behind the two, heading right for our group.

"Hugh, you wouldn't happen to have anymore traps or snares hidden in these woods, do you?" I asked, hopeful with a tightening grip on my staff.

"Sorry, Master, I'm all out of tricks," Hugh replied, fingers again dancing along the knives on his belt, though unclear the harm those small blades could do against such a large beast.

Before I could ask, Ella let fly an arrow, striking the wolf's shoulder. a shot that stunned the regular-sized wolf didn't even faze Kreterack as he continued his charge, saliva glistening on its maw. "Master, I'm not sure I can see a way out of this one," Ella said as she again notched another arrow.

As winded as he must've been, once David got passed me he braced himself on my shoulder and shouted, "Hey there fleabag, be a good boy and sit!" I swear that boy could infuriate a monk. In response, the Wolf-God let out a tremendous bark that rippled the air, the force causing me to take a step back as its breath hit my nose, the smell of death.

Fiora arrived a moment after, stopping right next to me. In that moment between the scratching, the insult, and the single bark, Fiora let out an ear-splitting screech of her own. Her call was answered by another, seemingly a mile away and closing fast. A streak of red-and-black plummeted like a lighting bolt, talons raking one of the wolf's eyes. Injured the wolf let out a yelp, though determined as it was to kill us, didn't pause its charge for a second.

"Oh we are so dead," Luther said, cowering on all fours, tears streaking down his face. "That monster is going to eat us all."

Then Kreterack the Wolf-God stumbled, coming to a skid in the dirt. As focused as the beast was on its kill, all of the minor injures we'd provided distracted the beast enough that it must not have seen the branch lying in its path, the branch thrown earlier by Luther when he surrendered to the smaller wolves. The giant crashed to the ground as its foot slid out from under it. The wolf's chin hit first and the momentum it built up carried it close enough that I could make out the shape of the teeth that were about to bite into me once the wolf took a moment to recover.

Then, from behind me, came the sound of boots stomping across flat earth. "On your feet, coward!" shouted Isaac as he sprinted past me, right at Luther. As Luther rose to look at what had happened, Isaac's boot landed on his back. Luther let out a grunt while Isaac let out a roar as he launched into the air, an axe whipping around for an overhead chop, shining bright with blue runes.

Behind me stood Nathaniel, his hands holding the final position for the "Lightening Spell", a simple spell meant to lessen the weight of an object, usually to allow pack animals to carry or haul more cargo than usual. He'd used the spell to lighten the axe making it possible for Isaac to not only jump into the air with it but also swing it too. But, I thought, worried, if he made contact with the wolf while the spell was in place, the axe wouldn't hit with its full strength. In fact, it might not do anything at all.

"Now!" I heard both boys shout simultaneously. Isaac began whipping the axe around looking to strike the top of the wolf's head with an overhead swing. Nathaniel's hands began casting, moving similarly to the Lightening Spell, but in reverse. The Weighted Spell.

Nathaniel's hands finished the spell just before Isaac finished the arc of the blow, the axe head now glowing red. The momentum of the swing brought the magically-weighted axe down on the wolf's skull, cracking it with a shattering Crunch! before burying itself into the brain. Isaac landed on the wolf's head, then of course, lost his balance and fell into the dirt, leaving the axe stuck inside the wolf. The wolf though, didn't move.

"Looks like we got here just in time," said Isaac, dusting himself off nonchalantly, as if killing a giant wolf wasn't a big deal.

"So, I guess that's done and we can all go back home now, right?" asked Luther, still completely unaware how his actions contributed to saving all of us.

"Master Trovanos," started Ella, "they attacked all three of our groups, no one was spared. What does that mean in regards to determining the Chosen One?"

Leaning upon my staff, I looked at the seven young pairs of eyes focused on me, looking for answers. "As the Dark Lord Resurrected hasn't fully re-awakened, it could simply mean that the Evil couldn't yet determine which of you should be Good's champion, The Chosen One, and thus attacked you all. Or perhaps, this time, it means that the title of Chosen One has been split amongst all here. Honestly, time will tell." Feeling satisfied with my explanation, the children began gathering the injured (myself) and we walked back to the cabin to recover.

We walked in silence, broken only by Isaac's boasts and Luther's complaints, and in that time I contemplated my lie. Of the children, I believed only Ella or David might see the truth - the lie behind the Chosen One. Evil, when it strikes, never chooses just one life to ruin, and it's the many that will eventually stand against it and shout, "No More!" The Chosen One is simply the last one standing after the others have given their lives for justice. Today, Evil sought to destroy them all, and in the future, it very well may, except for the one that, shielded and bolstered by their fallen comrades, delivers the final blow.

I really didn't want to do this [gestures at entire story] this whole thing. Using the Reddit Writing Prompt "You're confronted by all the kids you told were the Chosen One, and now they want the truth" or something like that. Originally, this was just going to be a short talking piece, a bit preachy on the Good vs Evil concept, and what a "Chosen One" actually is, but writing a story with just people talking is boring. Okay, maybe it isn't (there's lots of stories that are just great dialogue) but the way I write it would be. I took a break thinking about just leaving behind what I'd written and going on to something else (so many other things) then the idea of "Hey how about adding a monster, show why they could ALL be Chosen Ones" and my brain just ran with that until we ended up here. I didn't mean to, I just wanted it done so I could get to other stuff.

Anyways, here we are. As usual, I had a hard time with names of characters, and for this one I needed a bunch of them. I ended up using some random medieval name generator online for the final names though in the draft it was Eyes for Ella, Hunter for Hugh, Lucky for Luther, Talk for David, and Nature for Fiora, the rest I either already had the name or I left it blank. As you might be able to tell toward the end (where I started to care less) I wanted this done so I didn't even include how Nathaniel and Isaac took down their two wolves, and Isaac's character would've definitely boasted about it. Just based on word count I also would've normally split something this long into three parts (keeping each part just long enough for you to read comfortably while taking a shit) but, as I already mentioned, I didn't care anymore. Plus, releasing part one on Thursday would mean part three releasing on Saturday, Sunday, or Monday and no way I'm going to hold onto this for that long. 

As another post-story note, I actually finished most of this last week (I think up to Ella's last question to the wizard about Chosen Ones) and then completed by Monday. I just didn't have the time to type it all out (typing is boring). Why is that worth mentioning? So I was hanging out with some friends on Wednesday when this blog was brought up ("Alan writes short stories and stuff"), and whenever it's mentioned (or just my writing hobby in general) I end up a little self-conscious about the whole thing. Oh shit, people know that I do this/ remember that I do this, and now I need to produce something soon or I'll look like a fraud though rushing it makes it look like trash which is on brand so I guess that's fine (Have I mentioned yet that you should really be doing something else? How did you even make it this far?). So I'd already been working on this story for a couple of weeks already, and just happened to finish and finalize it write after I was talking about it, making it look like I do this all the time (which, no, that's insane). If for some dumb reason you read through all of that (again, why?) and decide, this is what I need more of in my life, more trash stories, then get ready for disappointment because it'll again probably be a while until anything new comes out.

The Chosen Ones part 1

Entering the forest clearing, I saw the scuffle outside the charcoal-maker's house. Boys, I thought wiping the journey's sweat from my brow, expecting to find Nathaniel and his brothers in one of their usual arguments. Instead, to my surprise, it was Nathaniel and Isaac, a boy who lived two towns to the west grappling in the dirt, each trying to get the upper hand on the other. In a loose circle around the two stood ten other children, all around the same age, watching the fight: some shouting for the two to stop; some shouting encouragement for one of the boys or the other. Through the windows, I spotted Nathaniel's brothers and sister watching fearfully, suspicious of the strange kids outside their home. One of Nathaniel's younger brothers, Thomas, spotted me and started pointing, tugging at the sleeve of his older brother.

Shaking my head at the scene, I unwound a length of cord from my forearm, whispered a single Word of Power into it, and tossed it atop the two entangled bodies. Small runes along the length of the rope glowed orange as it landed across the two children. Each end of the rope snared a wrist on each of the boys, magically twisting, expanding, and entangling each of the boys' limbs until neither could move against the other.

One of the children turned, Ella, a candle-maker's daughter, surprise and embarrassment on her face. "Master Trovanos, we didn't expect you here," she said, her eyes going to her shoes digging in the dirt while a finger twanged the string of the bow on her shoulder.

I shook my head, my glare meeting each of the kids' gaze until they lowered their heads. I walked through the circle, passed the two trapped but struggling boys until I got to the house's window. "Thomas, would you please tell me what's happening here?" I asked the ten year old.

"Master Trovanos, we were just playing, watching Nathaniel practice his magic when those other kids appeared through the trees. They said that you lied to Nathaniel, lied to all of them, lied that they were each the Chosen One. Nathaniel told them that you were training him in magic, that he was the Chosen One, and to leave but they wouldn't. Nathaniel tried to cast a spell, but the bigger kid tackled him and the two of them started fighting." I nodded as Thomas huffed to catch his breath after his quick recounting of the events.

Seeing that the two boys had stopped struggling, I snapped my fingers and the rope went slack. Slowly, Nathaniel and Isaac untangled themselves. Once free, Nathaniel began to spool the rope the length of his forearm around his palm and elbow before returning it back to me. "Master, they say that I'm not the real Chosen One. That you've been telling us all lies. Say it isn't true," Nathaniel said. Though his face appeared stern, his eyes and the tear starting to form betrayed that he must already suspect what my answer to be.

I took the rope and watched it shrink tight around my arm. "Of course they're right," I said watching the young boy deflate, his shoulders and head drooping. Looking around, I saw the same attitude spreading amongst the rest of my pupils. I placed a hand on Nathaniel's shoulder. "I saw in each of you a unique gift or talent or skill to train and hone in case the forces of Evil, or even the Dark Lord Resurrected himself, chooses one of you as their opponent. For it is the Evil which chooses its own demise."

I scanned and saw unbelief and skepticism on the children's faces. "Take Isaac here. He's a giant compared to other boys his age, and he'll only get bigger and stronger. Isaac, if the Dark Lord Resurrected chose you as his or her opposition, what would you do? How would you fight back against the destruction he would wrought upon our lands?"

Isaac grinned, pounding an enormous fist for a sixteen year old into his palm. The bruiser, the boy stood just over six feet tall and weighed over 200 pounds of muscle, and still showed no signs of slowing down. How Nathaniel's lean frame survived even a minute against the bigger boy meant Isaac had either finally learned some restraint, or Nathaniel was a faster study than I had first believed, picking up on spells and casting faster than an apprentice of just a few months should have. "Along with anyone brave enough to stand with me, I'd lead a charge on horseback against whatever army the Dark Lord Resurrected could muster together, smashing through them with lance and spear and axe and sword until I was finally face-to-face with the scourge itself. Then we would have a showdown where I'd win with the strength of my own arm and the determination of my spirit."

I smiled, nodding. The exact answer I knew you'd give, I thought as I looked to the rest of the children wearing mostly quizzical faces. "Except, Isaac, what if the Dark Lord Resurrected isn't someone or something you could just punch your way through?" I asked, gesturing at David and Fiora. 

David spoke first, straightening his ruffled coat. "If it was someone you couldn't punch?" he said, repeating my question to himself. "Perhaps royalty or a religious leader or someone with exceptional charisma. All people that you won't be able to get close enough to, or even if you could, the people would turn on you the moment you assassinated them. No, if you're going to kill one of these types you'll first need to organize a campaign to tarnish their image until the people no longer support them. Then you can remove them from power, or even let the people do it for you if you can stoke their rage hot enough."

"Talk, talk, talk. If anyone gets between me and the Dark Lord Resurrected, I'll just kill them too," replied Isaac.

"Oaf," growled David, "You can't just go around killing everyone in your way. Besides, they could be innocent, tricked into following the Dark Lord Resurrected. If you don't expose his evil first, the people will just think you're there to murder their leader, or worse, commit treason and regicide."

"Yeah, and how about I start with you?" said Isaac, clearly flustered as he grabbed David by the lapels.

"Boys," I said sternly, tapping my staff into the packed dirt. Isaac reluctantly released David who immediately again straightened out his clothes. I motioned for Fiora to continue.

Fiora turned in a circle, eyes looking from the sky to the grass to the woods to the mountains and everywhere inbetween. "Something you can't punch? Well, maybe that means that the Dark Lord Resurrected is simply a creature too big for you to hit?" Fiora stopped turning and stood statue-still. Slowly she raised her left hand, extending a single finger as she did so. Once her arm raised to shoulder-height, a single dragonfly sipped over and landed on her finger. "If the creature is too big for a human to tackle, whether a dragon or a wyvern or a leviathan, you'll need to consult with nature to find the thing to bring the creature low." Just as she finished speaking a large, brown-haired tarantula sprung from inside her long coat sleeve and snatched the dragonfly, pinning it to Fiora's palm. "Nature knows how to humble us all," she concluded, eyes transfixed on the spider and its prey.

I nodded. "Very good. As I said earlier, each of you has a unique gift that would make you a dangerous foe to the Dark Lord Resurrected, who or whatever it might be when eventually the Darkness returns its champion to our realms. I can only hope that whomever it chooses as the Chosen One to stand against it, I have trained you well enough to hold your own against the evil."

A cold wind gusted through the clearing, much colder than it should ever be at this time of the year. The world appeared to darken, the sunlight dimming ever so slightly, as if a god had perhaps dropped a thin cloth upon the sun for just a moment. A single howl cut through the silence like a cleaver, shaking all of us to our core. Then came the growls from creatures still hidden in the shadows of the forest.

"Thank you for bringing all of these potential adversaries together in one place, Master Trovanos. The future Dark Lord Resurrected thanks you for your stupidity, old man," the psychic voice said, its words leaving a film of slime upon my brain. Six pairs of red eyes appeared glowing in the darkness encircling the charcoal-maker's house. Then crept six wolves, saliva dripping from their jaws.

I let out a sigh of relief as I tightened the grip on my staff. "Just six little dogs come to play. Almost a dozen potential enemies gathered and that's all the Dark Lord Resurrected deems necessary to cut them down and secure his future reign. Either this enemy isn't too smart, or isn't strong enough yet to send at least a competent minion to do its bidding," I said, full of bravado hoping to ease the children's fears for though we might outnumber the enemy two-to-one a pack of wolves were still dangerous and none of my apprentices were yet fully trained.

A Roar! shook leaves from trees and sent a terror coursing through me. A shadow moved, stalking, encircling the clearing, barely visible, until it finally stepped into the light. A giant of a wolf, as tall as the house at its shoulders, towering over all of us. Grey fur streaked with black, saliva glistening, dripping off of its fangs. Its piercing red eyes though is where the true horror lay, eyes that held my gaze; eyes filled with a hate deep and pure as if my very existence was an insult needing to be ripped, torn from this world.

"Very observant, fur-less one. The Dark Lord Resurrected has yet to return but I, Kreterack, the Wolf-God, and my kin shall yet secure their rule by eliminating any who may stand against. A final lesson for your students: observations will not protect you from fangs and claws." The Wolf-God growled, its voice psychically seeping into our minds. The six smaller wolves copied the larger one, growling and salivating, though standing their ground, waiting for orders.

Before the pack could converge any closer, I ordered all of the smaller children into the house. "Isaac and Nathaniel stay with them." Grabbing Nathaniel, I said, "Focus on the basics. Just keep the wolves away from the kids. Also give Isaac an axe. I don't want him trying to punch wolves." As the two boys followed the five smaller kids, I looked at the ones left. "Ella, Hugh, and Luther will handle the pack. Keep them in the clearing and watch their movements. David and Fiora, you two keep the big one distracted in the forest. We'll come to assist once we're through here." Three of the kids came to stand next to me while David and Fiora sprinted passed and into the woods, followed closely by the giant wolf, seeking to ensure none escaped.

The smaller kids secure behind walls with our strongest arm and an apprentice magician, and the largest and most dangerous enemy distracted by our fastest and most distracting, I focused my attention on the six wolves stalking closer, encircling us. For the second time today, I began unraveling the rope from my arm when an elbow nudged me in the ribs. Looking down, my eyes immediately focused on Hugh's head of long, unruly red hair. An odd sight to see as he usually pulled the hood of his hunting cloak over his head to conceal himself from his prey. The elbow nudged me again as the fingers of his other hand touched the handles of each of the knives on his belt. The other two kids had formed the remainder of a triangle around me. He wants to be seen, I thought, staring at the salivating wolves, wants to be tracked. A step at a time, I moved and the children followed in formation, until the elbows stopped. We stood in a spot of no discernible difference to me than before except we were now about fifteen feet further from where we started.

"Stay together for now," said Ella as she notched an arrow in her bow, "They're scouting us, trying to find an opening to bring down the weakest first." Her eyes, a piercing green that seemed to stare right into you, glared at Luther for a moment before going back to the wolves.

Luther, who managed to pick-up a fallen branch off the ground, trembled. "Hey, I saw that. Why'd you look at me? Maybe they want the old liar instead?" he blurted out, fear filling his eyes.

"No, it's you they want," Hugh said, quiet and sure, his fingers dancing along the knives at his belt. "The Wolf-God knows Master Trovanos is a wizard, old and frail as he may seem. But you. They can smell the fear coursing through you."

"Well fuck this then," said Luther, throwing his branch over the heads of the wolves and outside their circle. "Hey, I surrender, okay? Call the big dog back and he can have the old man. I don't even know why I'm here. I'm not good at anything. I think this has all been just a big misunderstanding. " He raised his arms in the air and began walking toward the nearest wolf, perhaps hoping that it just might let him walk free.

Hugh tossed a knife at the wolf, burying it in the dirt as the wolf jumped backwards at the last moment. "You idiot, get back here now!" he growled, pulling the hood of his dirt-colored coat over his head with one hand, and freeing a hatchet from inside with the other.

"Behind you," said Ella. Eyes that saw everything paired with a mind for analysis, the archer put an arrow into the wolf lunging at Hugh's back. A little high, striking the wolf in the shoulder, but still remarkable for someone who had never pulled a bowstring until just a couple months ago.

As the wolf tumbled into the dirt, injured but not dead, another took advantage of the distraction and sprinted from their wheel toward Ella. Just as it got within range to lunge however, Hugh ducked down, his hand disappearing into a pile of leaves that just happened to be clumped at his feet. When he rose, it was with a length of rope which he yanked taut. My eyes tracked the rope quickly exposing itself like a striking serpent. The noose at the end caught a paw of the charging wolf, and jerked it off-balance. Splayed briefly on the ground and defenseless, it was enough time for even an amateur archer to hit their mark, and Ella took full advantage of the situation, this time putting an arrow through the wolf's eye.

One enemy dead, I watched three others continue to circle, now a bit more hesitant. No, I spun, taking count again. One with an arrow in its back, two others uninjured. Two of them must've used the brief sortie to break from the pack. But were they after the smaller children, or going to help the Wolf-God? My question was answered by Nathaniel's brief shout and Isaac's booming voice.

"How do you see their next attack?" I asked Ella, the enchanted rope still in my hand.

"Not sure," she said, a new arrow notched on the string as her eyes watched the wolves continue to circle. "Typically wolves would've run off for weaker prey by now. The Dark Lord Resurrected and the Wolf-God must have some command over them."

"How about some killing magic, or a fireball, wizard-man?" said Luther, unarmed and spinning in circles so fast I was surprised he didn't fall over, or puke himself.

"As you said earlier, I'm an old man. I simply can't weave magic together as quick as before, and I never expected the Dark Lord Resurrected would strike so soon or against so many at once," I said.

A howl erupted from the woods, sending birds scattering into the air and a shiver down my spine. The Wolf-God hunting its prey, or perhaps signaling he caught them. A corresponding howl went up near the house, just out of sight, though it was quickly followed by another of Isaac's shouts.

"They're striking now, all three of them at once," Ella said, pulling back the bowstring. "The Wolf-God calls on them, and so they'll strike. Definitely against Master Trovanos because he's the oldest, and Luther because he smells of fear and piss. I'd expect the third to come after me because Hugh is obviously bigger, but they've seen me kill one and injure another, so they might consider me the bigger threat. Take down three, then focus on the remaining."

I felt a hand grip my shoulder and start to turn me following the wolves' rotation. "Keep an eye on them," said Hugh quietly for just us to hear with one hand on my shoulder and another on Luther's, "We'll make our own wheel. If the three of you can take down the two healthy wolves, I can handle the injured one on my own. Just make sure I'm in front of it when they strike."

Books of 2022: Quarter 1

The start of this year's reading list

 

Locke and Key by Joe Hill and illustrated by Gabriel Rodriguez

Following the murder of their father, the Locke family moves to their father's childhood home of Key House. There the Locke children, Tyler, Kinsey, and Bode, discover mysterious keys each with their own unique, magical properties: a key that can transport a person anywhere in the world, a key that can let you into anyone's head, a key that can let you fly. So many possibilities, all of them hidden throughout the property. Also lurking around the house though is a hidden and dangerous enemy seeking to take the keys for their own gain.

A haunting story spanning six collected volumes (roughly 5 or 6 comic issues in each, I think), Locke and Key follows the three Locke children as they discover magical keys hidden throughout their house and protect them from the monster seeking to collect them too. At the time I picked up the first volume, I didn't know about the Netflix series adaptation because, well at the time I didn't have access to Netflix. Then, like a lot more books than I'd like to admit, it ended up buried under a pile of other books and papers until I recently found it again. By that time I'd already finished season one of the Netflix series. Then, I fell off of watching the show (still haven't gotten back to it yet, there's so many other shows) but managed to pick up the rest of the volumes (Vol 2 from Book-Off, and Vol 3-6 from Other Realms where the cashier was thrilled I was taking their entire stock from the shelves), and finished them. The comics and the show differ from the start (if that's a deal-breaker for you) but so far I enjoyed both. I am hoping the show ends differently than the comic series though because that one got really dark.

 

How to Fight Presidents by Daniel O'Brien

In the Introduction: "That's what you're reading right now. The most interesting, exciting, bizarre, or otherwise badass facts about every great psychopath who has ever stood on top of Mount America and declared himself its protector, and how you might be able to use these fact to your advantage, should you happen to, I don't know, travel back in time to find yourself face to face with a president you angered somehow."

 In a fight with George Washington: "He would return from many battles unscathed but with bullet holes in his clothing ... so many times that George Washington admitted on more than one occasion that he could not be killed in battle."

A quick, funny, sort-of biographical look into 38 presidents who lead the United States of America (from George Washington to Ronald Reagan, not sure why some were skipped), ... and if you could beat them in a fight. Each chapter is dedicated to a brief look into the life of a president: his background, his character, his achievements, etc; followed by how to win a fight if you happen to go toe-to-toe with him for whatever reason (spoiler: there's some presidents that you just won't win a fight against).

I bought this book a long, long time ago, probably back when I still browsed Cracked.com at least once a day. I'm even pretty certain that's where I first saw this book advertised. For this particular read through, I started reading toward the end of December, deciding to finally give it another re-read as it's one of the funniest books I own (and I just wanted a laugh to end the year as, at the time, I was still under quarantine from COVID). Humorous and educational (I guess), it's definitely something I'd recommend reading if you want to laugh while also learning some facts about our presidents.

 

Failure by J.L Westover

A collection of comic strips by J.L. Westover chronicling glorious moments of failure to make you laugh in a "Hahahaha... aww fuck, that's me/ could be me" kind of way.

Just something to skim through and laugh at while at home when I was taking the Locke and Key comics to work to read during my lunch breaks. I ended up getting this through a Kickstarter fundraiser after someone shared it on Facebook way, way back. So far back, in fact, that when it was finally charged, I was scrambling through all my purchases to figure out where the money was going. Then came the printing delay and shipping delay alert emails until the book eventually arrived (along with a brand-new mug).

The Affair by Lee Child

"He said, 'Is there a reason I don't get out of this truck and kick your butt?'
I said, 'Two hundred and six reasons.'
He said, 'What?'
'That's how many bones you got in your body. I could break them all before you put a glove on me.'"

"He was a warrior. I wasn't. I was a brawler. He lived for the tactical victory. I lived to piss on the other guy's grave. Not the same thing. Not the same thing at all."

It's 1997 and Jack Reacher is still with the Special Investigators in the US Army. He's sent undercover to a base town in Mississippi to help the Army in its investigation of a young woman murdered and dumped in an alley. The local police suspect a soldier while the Army tries to pin the killing on a civilian. Reacher is unfortunately discovered immediately by the local police chief and former marine. She decides to keep Reacher on-hand, using his skills to solve the murder, as well as uncover a conspiracy and other hidden crimes.

Again, I don't know what to say about these books having gone through so, so many others (no, I'm not going back to count this time). If for some reason you read about me reading books and are wondering where my review of the previous book is, well, I didn't read it yet. Shocking, I know, as this means I've started to read them out of the order they were published (something I thought I wouldn't do). If you need to know, Barnes and Nobles was missing the previous book the last time I was there ... and I really needed the fix. So, as this one (and one other one) are technically prequels to the "Jack Reacher, drifter" character that we know, I figured there was no harm jumping ahead a bit (don't worry, I did manage to pick up the previous one just recently from Amazon and I've jumped it up my reading list).

Another thing that I also want to note (sort-of spoiler) is that this book starts off the "Jack Reacher, drifter" character. After x number of books (I told you, I wasn't going back to count), we finally have that reason for Reacher's separation from the Army and the start of his travels with nothing but a toothbrush and the clothes on his back.

Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk

"But the stories you can digest, that you can tell - you can take control of those past moments. You can shape them, craft them. Master them. And use them to your own good.
Those are stories as important as food.
Those are stories you can use to make people laugh or cry or sick. Or scared. ...
It's how we can eat all the shit that happens."

Replying to an advertisement for an exclusive and secluded writer's retreat, eighteen individuals are instead put into a Survivor-like situation as they find their supplies dwindling and conditions worsening, their captor forcing them to write their stories for his own enjoyment ... And that's sort-of the twisted plot of this whole thing, collections of haunting short stories and poems tied together by a kidnapping frame work.

I'm honestly not sure why I bought this book in the first place. Maybe it was around October/ November and I was looking for something spooky to read. Maybe I was interested because it was a Palahniuk novel. I don't remember. I know I got it about three batches of books ago and just left it, putting it aside again and again to read other stuff until I finally did read it. And what a fucking read it was, and I was completely wrong about what kind of story it would be. It isn't quite a horror story in the traditional monster-sense but "shock-value" stories set in the real world that haunt you long after you've closed the book. (sorry, I don't think anyone actually reads these things, but if you do, it's going to be long and full of spoilers). To be honest, I almost didn't finish it just because of the first short story "Guts". Holy fucking shit, what a ride that one was. Only 10 pages long and I still had a time getting through it especially since I do most of my reading these days at work during my lunch hour. There's an afterword where Palahniuk states that when he did live readings of this story, people would actually faint during this story. It's ... holy shit ... it's a lot, and it's just the first story of the 23. I literally had to limit my reading to either my lunch hour at work or a brief window of time at home several hours before I went to bed because reading it any closer to bed time would just leave me and my thoughts with these horrible and haunting stories. To me, it was the hardest of them all to get through. If you followed the link, you know what it's about. Other stories include a rich couple that finds thrills in pretending to be homeless until one night they witness a murder and the husband is later killed; a knife review written by a murder as blackmail against the company that manufactures those same great knives; the fear that grips a city when a believed supernatural entity goes on a killing spree ... which the killer is hinted at being a bowling ball simply dropped from a high enough roof.

Battlegrounds by Jim Butcher

 "That destruction on this scale simply could not be brushed under the rug, that this many witnesses could not be silenced. Whatever happened in the battle, whoever prevailed, one fact was clear.
Things were going to change.
The mortal world couldn't take something like this in stride."

Obviously the negotiations between the Accorded Nations and the Fomor did not go well, and the Fomor, led by the last Titan, have declared war. With his city of Chicago under siege, Harry Dresden, his friends, and anyone else that can be mustered together will face off against the nightmares once forgotten to the civilized world. One of the most epic battles in the entire "Dresden Files" series, Dresden and company will have to use all their strengths and every trick they have to take down and army led by a monster older than humanity.

Following the "Halo 2" ending of Peace Talks, Battlegrounds in its entirety is simply one giant battle between the Accorded Nations (The Winter and Summer Faerie Courts, The White Council of Wizards, The White Court Vampires, Baron Marcone, etc) and the Fomor army along with other monsters that humanity had driven into hiding such as the Black Court Vampires and the Jotum giants. Obviously, as with any epic fight scene, Butcher pulls out all the stops, allowing each of his characters to unleash the full might of their powers against the other as they all fight to the death. It's a High Fantasy, swords-and-sorcery armies clashing together in modern day Chicago complete with spears and shields and magic and shotguns. Of course, the constant action of fight scene after fight scene needs to be slown down at times for pacing and so your brain isn't continuously bombarded by images of violence and death, and Butcher does a great job of this too with Dresden's reflections and full-stop descriptions of the scene. And, of course, with so much happening, at several spots I needed to stop and re-read, then re-read again what I just read because, well, what-the-fuck just happened. In the aftermath (spoilers ... whatever, you don't care) the Fomor are driven back and a new enemy reveals itself, and the city (and humanity in general) is left coming to terms with the reality that monsters are real, the conclusion promises more to come, perhaps soon the big conclusion trilogy Butcher hinted at in several interviews.