Books of 2020: Quarter 3, part 3

And the final part of my reading list from the last three months. Continuing the nostalgia of re-reading old books, I dug out the Incarnations of Immortality series by Piers Anthony out from under my bed (it was buried way, way back there). As you can see from the yellow pages, the books are probably some of the oldest I still own and it's been a while since I've read them. Each book in the series focuses on one mortal as they navigate their new role as an Incarnation of a concept that has guided mankind: Death, Time, Fate, War, Nature, Evil, and Good (this is also the order of the 7 books in the series).

 

 On a Pale Horse by Piers Anthony

"Time seemed to slow, and Zane could do nothing to about the suicide he had set up. Yet the shock of seeing the visage of Death himself had abruptly banished any desire Zane had to kill himself.
     His finger muscles would not obey him, but his larger arm muscles did. Zane wrenched the pistol around. The muzzle came to bear on Death's head as the trigger tripped. The gun seemed to explode, kicking back against his hand.
     The bullet smashed into the center of Death's face.
     A hole opened. Blood flowed. Death fell heavily to the floor.
     Zane stood aghast. He had killed Death."

In an age of science and magic, Zane is down on his luck having squandered away his money as well as love. With his future bleak, he decides to take his own life. As he begins to pull the trigger of the gun he is startled by the arrival of the specter of Death, and shoots the other instead. Having murdered Death, Zane must now assume the role as the Incarnation of Death and reap the souls of humanity until he too is murdered by his successor. As he conducts his duties, the other Incarnations reveal they manipulated his future to install him as the new Incarnation of Death as a means to foil a plot by Satan. Zane must now use his office and all the powers of Death to oppose Satan, or lose the woman he loves and allow the future of humanity to fall into Satan's grasps.

This being book one of the series, the story follows Zane as he assumes the role of Death/Thanatos. The beginning of the novel starts as more of a serialization of events as we follow Zane in his retrieval of different souls and the dilemma he faces when confronted with each task. I think it's about halfway into the book when the larger plot is revealed and Zane must actively confront Satan and foil his scheme using the powers of the office of Death.

The series is set (I'll try to make this the only time I talk about the setting so I don't repeat it for every book in the series) is in the modern age except that mankind has seen advances in both science and magic such that both are often seen competing with each other for the same roles, such as billboards advertising travel by car vs magic carpet. I guess the idea was very new and imaginative back in the 80s (or at least it seemed that way when I talked with my dad about it) but with all the media I've consumed from tv, video games, anime, manga, comics, etc, it's definitely something I've seen before. I think the genre would probably fall under Urban Fantasy in today's times, or maybe just Fiction.

Even though I know no one is reading this looking for a new book to read, I do want to share one turn-off and that's the sexism. Granted, the series was published in the 1980s so of course it was a different time and I guess socially acceptable to say things like that, but I do want to say that it is prevalent in this book and a bit more so in later books. Some of the examples in this book is the woman as a bad driver but the stereotype is taken further when compared to women driving magic flying carpets. Also the main female character stating that she's guided by her emotions and less logical as all women are.

Bearing an Hourglass by Piers Anthony

"'If I attempted to simplify this particular life - which I could indeed accomplish - it would only lead to a greater mischief for other lives. God and Satan are at war - have been since time began - and the fallout from their strife is with us always. It is not for me to dictate on whom that fallout shall fall; it is only for me to mesh it properly. I am the servant, not the master - and so are you. We must do what we must do, implementing the rules that exist.'"

Norton is wandering through the woods when a ghost approaches him with a proposition: assist him in siring an heir. When he meets the ghost's bride, Norton is instantly smitten. Following a tragedy caused by the meddling ghost, Norton resumes his vagabond lifestyle until approached by the ghost once again. To make up for his error, the ghost offers Norton another opportunity to possibly regain his love: by taking up the office of Chronos, the Incarnation of Time. Upon assuming the office, he finds that though he is able to manipulate time, he is still bound by its constraints and not able to regain the life he once had. He is also bound to live an even lonelier existence as he lives his life backwards until time of his birth when he will pass the office to his successor. Satan naturally picks upon Norton's inexperience and loneliness, and tempts him with a new kind of adventure to other worlds throughout the galaxy as evil exists everywhere. Caught up in the distractions, Norton misses Satan's ploy and must use all of his magic to undo changes made in time.

Set in the same universe as On a Pale Horse, I guess this would actually be my first experience with a shared universe (you know, like Marvel is doing now with their movies and tv shows). Bearing an Hourglass is set in the future from the first book as Zane has held the role of Thanatos for a while, and Luna has already become a US Senator primed to balk Satan's goal.

I'd like to mention that compared to the first book, this one is much more ... technical I think is a good word to describe it. Holding the office of Time, Norton will need to know about vectors and force and gravity and other science-y stuff (I'm dumb). There are sections that deal with the rotation of the Earth as well as position within the universe at any given moment, and I'm the kind of reader who still laughs when I read the scene involving a guy going to the bathroom backwards (people aren't happy when Chronos sets time in reverse and things begin to go in when they were once going out). These technical aspects are important as they explain how Norton is able to work himself out of trouble but they were kind of boring to read through.

Finally, in regards to these two and the rest of the books in the series, if you were looking for who to blame for those last sections following my stories I write, well it's probably these books. Most novels just come with a page or two of acknowledgements, people the author would like to thank for helping the story get written, edited, and published. The end of these books though come with a long chapter about how Anthony wrote the books and how each particular theme affected his life at the time of writing. I didn't read them this time, but I did the first time I read it. To be fair, most of the writing process is boring. No one cares about it, and no one should. I can't stream my writing process or else you'd end up watching me stare at a blank page for a while, write a few lines, get bothered by something else that needs to be done instead, watch some videos on Youtube, repeat. Still though, it does feel nice to talk about it, to discuss the struggles so you know you're not the only one going through it.

Books of 2020: Quarter 3, part 2

 As I mentioned, the reading list for these past three months got a little long so here's part 2, and the last 6 books of Simon R. Green's Nightside series.

 Hell to Pay by Simon R. Green

"'Find my grand-daughter,' said the Griffin, his voice cold and relentless. 'And in return I will pay you the sum of ten million pounds. Find out what happened, and why, and who is responsible. And either return her to me safely, or bring me her body, and the name of the man responsible.'"

"The Salvation Army Sisterhood was on the prowl again, and if you didn't cough up fast enough and generously enough, out would come the specially blessed silver knuckle-dusters. The SAS are hardcore Christian terrorists. Save them all, and let God sort them out. No compromise in defence of Mother Church. They burn down Satanist churches, perform exorcisms on politicians, and they once crucified a street mime. Upside down. And then they set fire to him. A lot of people applauded."

In the Nightside, many people and things that aren't people claim to be immortal. Jeremiah Griffin and his family though, are the real deal. The rumors are that Griffin made a deal with The Devil, immortality for his soul. Being immortal doesn't make you free from threats, which is why The Griffin hires John Taylor and his gift to find his granddaughter and those that kidnapped her. Unfortunately, there's something powerful interfering with Taylor's gift, forcing him to seek out the answers on his own, and three generations of immortals have a lot of secrets to dig through.

With Lilith banished and The Authorities (the Nightside's business overseers) dead, the second half of the Nightside series focuses on the power struggle for control the Nightside. Taylor will deal with various powers and entities rising up to gain control of the Nightside. The Griffin is one of those interests (supposedly already owning almost half of the land the Nightside sits upon), as well as all the enemies he's made.

The Unnatural Inquirer by Simon R. Green

"Max laughed suddenly, a flat breathy sound. 'Protect me, Suzie, Taylor. If you want your bounty money.'
     I looked at Suzie. 'Do we really need the money that badly?'
     'Always,' said Suzie. 'It isn't the principle of the thing, it's the money. No-one takes a bounty away from me.'
     'Maybe we could split him down the middle,' I said.
     'Tempting, but messy. And I don't share.'"

"'You killed thirteen men to make a point?' Bettie was staring at me as though she'd never seen me before, and perhaps she hadn't. Not this me.
     'They would have killed you,' I said.
     'Yes. They would have. But you're supposed to be better than that.'
     'I am,' I said. 'Sometimes.'"

John Taylor is hired by The Unnatural Inquirer, the Nightside's tabloid, to find a missing man who claims to have intercepted a broadcast from the afterlife. Could it be Heaven? or Hell? No one knows but everyone suspects it could be the truth about what happens on the otherside. Taylor will also need to contend with others that want the recording, either for riches, or fame, or power.

To be honest, not one of my favorite or more memorable books in the series. As I'm re-reading these books, I tend to remember mostly what the books are about and even who the mysterious badguys end up being, but I really couldn't remember much about this particular book. Of the interesting things, it delved deeper into the relationship between Taylor and Suzie Shooter, mostly through Taylor's partner in this case, a half-human, half-succubus reporter that can be, and wants to be, everything Taylor desires.

Just Another Judgement Day by Simon R. Green

"Sometimes you can't save everyone. Sometimes all you can do ... is kill a whole bunch of people.
     Business as usual, in the Nightside."

"'... God's will in the world, God's warrior, the wrath of God in the world of men, sent forth to punish the guilty and stamp out evil wherever he finds it. Called the Walking Man because he will walk in straight lines to get where he has to go, and do what he has to do, and no-one will be able to stop him or turn him aside.'"

The Walking Man has come to the Nightside to lay judgement on everyone in it, which, given the nature of the Nightside, will turn out badly for everyone there. A man given divine power by God, the Walking Man walks in a straight line to wherever he wants to go to smite those he considers evil. The new Authorities have hired John Taylor to find a way to stop him from killing and destroying everyone and everything in the Nightside.

This was actually the first book I bought of the Nightside series when I thought the series could be read as stand-alone novels (not completely my fault since there aren't any numbers on the books). One of my favorite books in the series as it's a contradiction to the norm since the man given the power of God is the antagonist (which is probably why I like the superhero Spawn so much). The Walking Man is shown as a force for good, exposing one of the more heinous businesses at work in the Nightside, as well as murdering everyone in the building. He's built up further by defying Walker's commands (powered by the same Voice that can raise the dead if Walker needs a question answered) and when he tears down the Street of the Gods.

The Good, the Bad, and the Uncanny by Simon R. Green

"At least the trains are always on time in the Nightside. Supposedly because if a train does arrive late, the System Controller takes it out the back and shoots it, to put all the other trains in a properly motivated frame of mind."

Walker, the man who spent his years maintaining the status quo in the Nightside, able to call down troops from the military or the Church in a moment, wielding a voice that cannot be denied and rumored to be powered by the same voice that once said "Let there be light," is dying. Before he goes, he asks John Taylor (sometimes a friend, sometimes an enemy) to take over his role at running the Nightside for the new Authorities. At the same time, Taylor is feeling comfortable with his current situation, a feeling he's not used to as he's been chased by enemies his entire life. And that's when the plots start occurring, all of them involving the theft of identity in some way.

This book felt like Green was trying to use up a bunch of smaller plots that were too short to become their own storylines and couldn't be fit into the other books. The story starts with a couple chapters involving Taylor and Ms. Fate (the Nightside's very own superhero) Ubering an elf through the Nightside. More chapters are devoted to Larry Oblivion's back story and where he acquired his magic wand. Then finally is the search for the missing Tommy Oblivion who disappeared during the Lilith War except his body was never found.

A Hard Day's Knight by Simon R. Green

"I swung the sword with speed and skill that weren't mine, killing elves. Excalibur was in its element, come home again, to do what it was made to do."

"Courage is all very well, but sometimes all it can get you is a glorious death. I know overwhelming odds when I see them. I've faced them before. And I know from experience that you don't beat them by meeting them head-on. You win by thinking outside the box, and by blatant cheating."

John Taylor arrives home to find Excalibur wrapped neatly in brown paper sitting on his kitchen table. He'd been warned Excalibur was coming to the Nightside, just not that he would be the one to receive it. To get answers on what Excalibur really is, he'll need to travel back to London to speak with the last remnants of the Round Table, the London Knights. He'll also need to prevent the Merlin Satanspawn of Sinister Albion (a reality where Merlin is the Antichrist and corrupts Arthur's Camelot) from invading the Nightside.

With Merlin having played such a big role in the earlier books it really was only a matter of time before we got to Excalibur and King Arthur. Traveling to London for a chapter and seeing Taylor take on the thugs in the real world was a lot of fun with all the nasty tricks he's learned from living in the Nightside. I know it was only a quick tour, but seeing how powerful Merlin Satanspawn would have been if he still had his heart and accepted his role as the Antichrist as he did in Sinister Albion was terrifying to see.

The Bride Wore Black Leather by Simon R. Green

"'Never mind that,' I said. 'Answer me this. What are all these naked people doing here?'
     I indicated the dozen or so entirely naked men and women cordoning off the great hole in the ground and discouraging anyone else from getting too close, apparently simply by looking at them....
     '...The point is, no-one is going to intrude on the crime scene while the Troops are around.'
     'What do they do?' I said, honestly curious. 'Threaten to bukkake people to death if they get too close.'"

"'...But then one day, right at the height of the Summer of Love, Harry Webb went to the park and took what Timothy Leary would call an heroic dose of LSD. His mind expanded and exploded, and in that transcendental state ... he made mental contact with Entities from Beyond.'
     '... and when he finally came down again, he wasn't Harry Webb any more. He wasn't human any more. He was transformed, he was transmogrified, he was the Sun King. The living god of LSD, the true Acid Sorcerer, the Miracle Man. Psychedelic rock and roll played around him wherever he went, manifesting out of nowhere - a glorious music that we could never remember or reproduce afterwards."

John Taylor officially takes over as the new Nightside Authorities' problem-solver with his first case - stop the Sun King from bringing the sunshine into the eternal night of the Nightside and destroying it. Not only is the Sun King able to perform the wonders he claims but he's also turned all of the Nightside against Taylor, including the city's best bounty hunter and Taylor's bride-to-be, Shotgun Suzie. Taylor will need to outrun and outwit all of his old friends in order to stop the Sun King from destroying his home, and especially ruining his wedding day.

The last of the Nightside books (at least I'm pretty sure Green isn't writing anymore of them). I've heard that John Taylor and the Nightside may make cameos in some of his other books but I've never read them. The biggest appeal of this book is seeing Taylor go up against former allies like Razor Eddie, Punk God of the Straight Razor; The Oblivion Brothers: Larry Oblivion, the Dead Detective, and Tommy Oblivion, the existential detective; and Dead Boy. In regards to pay off though, especially as this is the last book in the Nightside series, I did feel a little let down by the ending. It kind of felt like Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, the stories before all involved one thing (religion) but then in the last one something completely different is introduced (aliens). All of the previous books dealt with religion and monsters and the supernatural but the last book deals with The Outsiders (kind of like aliens except they're beings that live outside our reality).

Books of 2020: Quarter 3, part 1

I know it's out of the ordinary as I usually have just one quarterly reading list every three months, but I've had some extra time on my hands, and a bunch of these books are comparatively shorter next to the Dresden Files series I had been reading. Unfortunately, this means that instead of one post for the months of July, August, and September, I'm going to end up splitting it into three parts. Unfortunate because it's two more posts that I'll have to annoy you with.

Continuing with the supernatural detective theme and the nostalgia of re-reading old books, I decided to re-read The Nightside novels by Simon R. Green. These novels star detective John Taylor as he solves supernatural mysteries in The Nightside, a hidden world within London filled with every fantasy and horror you can imagine. Taylor uses his Private Eye to find hidden things and solve mysteries no one else can solve.

Something From the Nightside by Simon R. Green

"'But, I don't do insurance work, I don't do divorces, and I don't solve crimes. Hell, I wouldn't know a clue if I fell over it. I just find things. Whether they want to be found or not.'"

"'You can buy or sell anything in the Nightside, and no-one asks questions. No-one cares. There's a nightclub, where you can pay to see a fallen angel forever burning inside a pentacle drawn in baby's blood. Or a decapitated goat's head, that can tell the future in enigmatic verses of perfect iambic pentameter.'"

John Taylor is a financially struggling private investigator in London with a unique paranormal gift - he can find anyone or anything whether they want to be found or not. Except that his power only works in The Nightside, a mysterious city hidden within London where gods and monsters walk among mortals and all your deepest, darkest fantasies are available for a price. Hunted by his enemies since he was a child, Taylor left The Nightside 5 years ago with a bullet in his back and vowed never to return. When a prospective client walks through his doors and asks him to find her daughter who has run off into The Nightside, Taylor has no choice but to return home to find the missing child. Together, he and his client wander The Nightside, searching for clues and revisiting old faces.

The first book of The Nightside novels moves a little slow to allow Taylor to roam all over The Nightside, a home he hasn't visited in 5 years, and introduce the reader to the wonders of the world. Honestly, one of the main appeals of these novels is the setting and other side characters, which I always have more questions about before we continue along with the actual plot. In The Nightside, EVERYTHING is blended together: Science, magic, and religion; past, present, and future; humans, monsters, and aliens; alternate dimensions, alternate histories, and alternate realities. All of it merged into one city. One of those characters in this book is Razor Eddie, Punk God of the Straight Razor. That's an intriguing name, right? That right there should make you want to read the book just to find out more.

Agents of Light and Darkness by Simon R. Green

"'Mr. Taylor, it's imperative you locate the Unholy Grail for us, before agents of the Lord or the Enemy become directly involved. Make no mistake, if agents of the Principalities go to war here, they could level the Nightside.'"

"I smiled nastily at him, and to his credit he didn't flinch. 'Your guns aren't loaded,' I said.
The three gunmen looked at each other, confused. I held up my closed hands, opened them, and let a stream of bullets fall out to clatter loudly on the tabletop. They pulled the triggers on their guns, and looked very upset when nothing happened.
'I think you should leave now,' I said. 'Before I decide to do something similar with your internal organs.'"

John Taylor is asked by an agent of The Vatican to track down a powerful relic that has found its way to The Nightside: The Unholy Grail, the cup Judas Iscariot drank from at The Last Supper. Unfortunately, not only are the other typical nasty folks of The Nightside after the grail, but so are Angels of Heaven and Hell. An angel war could destroy The Nightside and kill everyone living in it unless Taylor retrieves the grail and delivers it to one of their sides instead.

In case you were wondering how insane The Nightside series is, consider this: Agents of Light and Darkness is only book 2 of the series and there is already an angel war! Taylor is unable to use his gift to immediately find the grail as the angels watching over The Nightside are able to pull his consciousness from his body when he uses his gift. Teaming up with infamous bounty hunter Shotgun Suzie Shooter, Taylor goes in search of the Unholy Grail across The Nightside, as well as a weapon to deal with the invading angels that have taken to murder and destruction. That weapon is The Speaking Gun, a firearm made of flesh and bones and teeth. A living weapon filled with hate and rage, it can erase its target from existence by speaking its true name backwards. And all it wants to do is destroy everything, a psychic force it pushes onto whomever is holding it.

Nightingale's Lament by Simon R. Green

"'It seems that my Rossignol sings only sad songs these days. And that she sings these sad songs so powerfully that members of her audience have been known to go home and commit suicide.'"

"The last time some idiot tried to smuggle a bomb into Victoria House, the defences turned him into something. No-one was quite sure what, because you couldn't look at him for more than a moment or two without projectile vomiting everything you'd ever eaten, including in previous lives."

John Taylor is hired by the father of a famous singer just to check-up on his daughter as no one in their family has been able to speak with her in years. Rumors float about The Nightside that her voice can literally drive people to commit suicide. Discovering something is not quite right when he tracks her down and is finally able to speak with her, Taylor decides to investigate the pair that hold her contract and the mysteries that surround them.

Nightingale's Lament feels like the third book in a series that Green perhaps wasn't sure if publishing companies would keep buying. Or, perhaps after The Angel War that threatened the entire Nightside in the previous book, this case offered a cooling-off period to the series where the stakes aren't so high. It has the feel of another book Green wrote while he waited to hear a commitment from the publishing house for the rest of his series. That said, it is still a great book worthy of being part of The Nightside series. Taylor travels to the business sector of the Nightside which doesn't get a lot of attention most of the time, and goes deeper into some of the other side characters which is always my favorite part of these stories (I will never stop repeating that). To handle the fighting in this case, Taylor brings on Dead Boy, a teenager who was murdered in The Nightside but returned by possessing his own corpse to avenge his death. As an undead, he's got supernatural strength and doesn't feel pain, constantly patching his body with staples and stitches and duct tape.

Hex and the City by Simon R. Green

"You can buy or sell anything here, especially it it's something you're not supposed to want in a supposedly civilised world. The price is often your soul, or someone else's, but then you know that going in."

"Madman can be extremely dangerous to be around. He doesn't believe what he sees is real, so for him it isn't. Around him the world follows his whims and wishes, his fears and his doubts, reality reordering itself to follow his drifting thoughts. Which can be helpful, or confusing, or scary, because he doesn't necessarily believe in you, either."

John Taylor is put on a case to discover the true origins of the Nightside, who created it and for what purpose. In seeking out answers from some of the oldest beings of the Nightside, he'll also get closer to the other, personal quest that has been haunting him: Who is his mother?

Starting what I consider The Lilith War trilogy section of the Nightside series, Taylor spends this book doing old-fashioned P.I. work - tracking down the oldest beings in the Nightside to learn what they know. Unfortunately, it appears there are others who oppose his case and they're out to stop Taylor from doing his job. This makes for some great action scenes that make full use of Taylor's gift and under-handed tricks, and the three accomplices he brings along to help solve the case: Madman, a man so insane that reality itself warps around him; Sinner, a man who fell so deeply in love with a succubus that Hell tossed him out; and Pretty Poison, the demonic succubus learning about love.

Paths not Taken by Simon R. Green

"Tommy liked to talk. It was said by many, and believed by most, that Tommy Oblivion could talk his own firing squad into shooting each other to get away from his relentlessly reasonable voice. He thrived in areas of moral obscurity, uncertain reality, and cases so complicated you couldn't pin anything down even if you used tent pegs."

"I still felt like hell, but the brief respite had put some strength back into my legs. My head still pounded, but my thoughts were clear again. And my hands were very near my coat pockets. I grinned nastily at Herne. He really should have killed me while he had the chance."

John Taylor answered the one mystery that has haunted him his entire life: who is his mother? She is actually the biblical Lilith, Adam's first wife that refused his authority and descended into Hell to breed monsters, and the creator of the Nightside. After her warning that she is returning to cleanse and remake the Nightside, Taylor decides to take a trip through time to find how she was previously banished, hoping to use it as a weapon against her.

The story starts with a sort of throw-away plot involving a man whose own past and divergent-future selves are attempting to kill him for the choices he made. It is, however, a great way to introduce Tommy Oblivion, the existential detective, armed with, what I consider, a gift almost as strong as Taylor's. Oblivion's gift allows him to "reason" with people into seeing his point-of-view, and even with reality itself, to reshape it the way he wants. The second book of The Lilith War let's Taylor and friends explore the history and see the creation of the Nightside. They'll encounter Forces and Powers still alive in their own present-day as well as solve mysteries as to why things are the way they are in their time. Book two is definitely a calm before the storm, especially compared to the chaos brought on by Lilith's return.

Sharper Than a Serpent's Tooth by Simon R. Green

"Her presence filled the air, like the roar of massed cannon announcing the start of war, or a choir singing obscenities in a cathedral, like the first scream of being born or the last scream of the dying. No-one could look away. And many a lesser god or goddess knelt and bowed, recognising the real thing when they saw it, come at last to the Street of the Gods."

"I snapped my fingers, and all the fillings disappeared from their teeth. Along with all crowns, caps, bridges, and veneers....
  'Any more words of dissent,' I said, 'and I will show you another variation, that involves your lungs and a whole bunch of buckets.'"

With Lilith now returned to reclaim the Nightside and reshape it back to what it was meant to be, John Taylor must face off against his mother to protect his home and everyone in it. To make his choices even harder, he already knows that he can't go to war with her as that would merely bring about the apocalyptic events that he had already forseen.

The final book in The Lilith War trilogy sets Taylor against his mother, Lilith, Adams's first wife and biblical myth returned to our existence. It's a satisfying conclusion to not just the trilogy, but, if Green had ended the series, I would've been happy with this being the end as well. My only gripe with this book is a brief section that Taylor utilizes various mirror and pools to view the destruction Lilith causes throughout the Nightside. I know, it's important for the reader to understand just how powerful Lilith is compared to all the other Powers in the Nightside, but (to me) it didn't really have any consequence as all the events Taylor saw already happened and there is nothing he can do to rewrite them.

The Demon Slayer's Bodyguard, part 3/3

In a blink of an eye the demon's supernatural speed put him behind Thomas, raking at his back with black claws. Thomas though was a trained demon slayer, and all those years had prepared him for exactly this moment. The slayer was just as fast, his sword meeting claws and deflecting them away. The move opened up the demon's side and Thomas didn't miss it, slicing deep into the demon's flank. The demon howled in rage and launched itself into a flurry of attacks, each one powered by its supernatural strength and speed. Thomas was no ordinary mortal and matched the demon blow for blow.

I took the moment to catch my breath, and reload my shotgun with solid slugs. Instead of the standard pellets these shells contained one giant mass of metal, each one inscribed with a series of holy runes and soaked in holy water. I knew I didn't have a chance taking on a true creature of the Pit in a fair fight. Instead I kept my back braced against the wall and waited for my opening. The instant the monster showed me his back and Thomas locked its claws with his sword, I fired both barrels. The demon roared as the blessed slugs tore into his back. He turned to face me and Thomas was there to take advantage of the distraction, shoving his sword into the creature again.

The fight between the demon and demon slayer continued, both sides slashing and stabbing at each other. I stayed back unsure of how much I could still move after being thrown into a wall twice in less than an hour and then dropped though a floor. I continued to fire slugs whenever the demon showed an opening, hoping to distract it for that one moment Thomas needed to finish the duel. Finally, I hit it in the leg, buckling it at the knee. The demon roared, its burning red eyes glaring at me. Thomas brought his blade down, severing the demon's head from its body. Red flames slowly consumed the creature, melting it down to a black ichor.

Empty of shells, I tossed the shotgun aside as I leaned back against the wall to catch my breath. Thomas stood over the area where the demon dissolved and said a prayer. He swung his sword a few times, an attempt to flick off as much of the demon's remains before wiping it down with a cloth.

"I owe you an apology," Thomas said, extending a hand, "looks like I needed a bodyguard after all."

I shrugged and pushed myself off the wall. "That's what I'm here for," I said. I started toward the demon slayer when a sharp pain bit into my side. I clutched at the source and twisted away, landing on my back in the rubble. Above me stood the man in the suit, eyes furious and mouth foaming. I looked down to see the hunting knife plunged into my side.

"You bastards have no idea what you've done. No idea what you've taken from me!" he screamed. Realizing his hand was now empty, he reached down into the rubble to retrieve a solid chunk of concrete. He wrapped his fingers around it and I could practically feel its weight in his hands. As he glared at me, the intent to smash in my skull written on his face, I finally realized I was face-to-face with the cult's leader, Charles Heverfore. I pulled myself slowly along the ground, intent on getting far from Heverfore as possible before he could get close enough to beat me to death.

Thomas rushed forward, his enhanced speed and strength stopping Heverfore in his tracks. I heard a faint whisper of Latin and Thomas put his palm to Heverfore's forehead. Thomas loosened his grip and Heverfore surged forward, punching the demon slayer in the face.

"I don't understand," said Thomas, his lip bleeding, "There's no demon within you to exorcise. You are no longer a puppet to their whims."

Heverfore spat in Thomas's face, using the opportunity to startle the demon slayer and take his sword from him. Unlike when Thomas wielded it, the blessed sword didn't glow though it was still deadly. "Of course not, you idiot. I just needed the demons for their power. I'm the one in control, they dance to my tune," Heverfore said. He swung the sword and Thomas dodged out of the way. He wielded the sword like a club, swinging and jabbing at the slayer who always moved to avoid the blow at the last moment.

As Heverfore continued his assault, I dragged myself closer and closer to their battle, waiting for the right moment to strike. The Hunter Guild, after all, was focused on hunting demons and protecting humans from the Infernals that sought to corrupt them. Thomas couldn't harm Heverfore, he probably still couldn't even comprehend why the man was trying to kill him, because as evil as Heverfore might be he was still human.

I, however, was not bound to the same ideological constraints. In fact, The Hunter Guild partnered with the paramilitary firm I contracted with because of the amount of jobs we did in active combat zone. We'd seen the evils man could visit upon his fellow man up close and personal.

Thomas missed a step, his feet caught in some of the strewn rubble and fell backwards. Heverfore sensed his opportunity and moved forward to deliver the killing thrust. With Heverfore salivating at the chance to cut down the demon slayer, I too took my opening. I got to my feet and wrenched the knife from my side, trying not to focus on the pain nor the blood now flowing from the wound. After all, there's no pay if Thomas didn't make it back to the guild alive. I flipped it in my hand, catching the blade in my fingers. Then I flung the knife end over end until it buried itself halfway to its hilt in the cult leader's back.

He jerked upright, startled by the pain, and let out a scream for a second or two. All the time I needed to drive myself forward. I landed on his back, pushing the knife in deeper and pinning Heverfore to the floor. I picked up a chunk of stone and bashed him in the back of the head, one, two, three times until the man stopped moving.

I rolled off the dead man, clutching my side. Thomas handed me a cloth to put over the wound and apply pressure. It was only later I realized it was the same one he used to wipe down his sword. The Hunter Guild assures me that it's not poisonous, but do they really care about a hired gun like me? Thomas lifted me to my feet and hauled me up the basement stairs and out the door. I drifted in and out of consciousness until we reached the car outside.

"Thanks for saving me back there," Thomas said once we were back on the road, Heverfore Manor behind us.

"That's the job," I said, still in pain, "Though you folks really should realize, eventually, that some people just can't be saved. It would make fighting humans a lot easier for all of you."

Thomas shook his head. "I can't afford to think that way. The guild exists to protect humanity, to save those corrupted by evil."

I sighed. "Yeah, I know," I said, settling into the chair on our way back to the guild headquarters and thinking about how I'm going to spend my money.

 

 Using the Reddit Writing Prompt of (to shorten it down) a professional bodyguard protecting a demon slayer, I finally got around to writing this story I've had in my head for a while since there was another prompt a long time ago I missed out on about a demon slayer needing a bodyguard. And yes, if you're wondering, I did choose a title reminiscent of "The Hitman's Bodyguard" in the hopes that people would read it because the names sounded similar. And it must've worked if you're reading this because then you had to have made it through the previous two parts, and a total of 3700 or so words (thus splitting into three parts). If you just skipped everything and jumped to this part (why would you) the link will take you to a shortened version I submitted to Reddit because I hate splitting stories on Reddit. But back to the story. I guess the main thing I wanted to focus on is skill set and why would a demon slayer need someone to protect them that wasn't also a trained demon slayer. I know it probably was longer than needed (maybe I could've taken out that part involving the hellhounds) but I really wanted to get the point across that Thomas could take care of himself, and perhaps the main character was just in the way. The inspiration I had for Thomas's character was Michael from The Dresden Files books. As one of the three bearers of the holy swords, not only do they fight the Denarians but they're required to save the mortals they possess, even if that mortal is truly evil like Nicodemus. And, if you're wondering about the main character's shotgun, well I re-read the entire Tales from the Nightside series over these past three months and I tried to recreate the shotgun used by Shotgun Suzie Shooter, the best bounty hunter in the Nightside. Finally, if you've been wondering about the lack of stories, I've actually been working on a longer piece (like the Emberwilde Comes Pokemon fanfic) but I've been running into a few problems putting it all together.

The Demon Slayer's Bodyguard, part 2/3

 I swept the light around the room once again. "I don't see anyone," I said. As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I made a mistake. The wall behind me exploded as an arm punched through the wooden boards. It grabbed onto the back of my vest and pulled me through the wall, tossing me into the wall at the other end of the room. I hit hard, leaving a small crater before sliding to the floor. I blinked several times trying to bring the world back into focus.

A man in a dark suit walked unhurriedly toward me. He brushed the dust and splinters from his sleeves, then readjusted his cuff-links before lifting me off the ground with one hand. Looking down at his face I knew there was more to him than just this display of supernatural strength. It was in his face, his eyes, the fierce clarity in them that said he could break me as casually as cracking an egg, and do it with as much indifference as if I were just one of a thousand eggs that needed breaking that day.

I lifted the shotgun still hanging from its strap at my side and hit the man several times in the face with the heavy, wooden stock. He didn't even flinch as I rained down blow after blow. After three or four, the man tore the gun from my hands, breaking the strap and tossing the gun across the room. With his free hand, he pulled a large hunting knife from inside his jacket.

"Now, if it isn't too much trouble, could you tell me who sent you and I can send some friends of mine to say hello," he said holding the knife to my throat.

Before I could say anything, a bare hand clamped down on the top of the not-quite-a-man's head and I heard Thomas's voice speaking in a rushed Latin. The man's eyes glazed over, then turned fully black. His arm went limp and he dropped me to the ground. He raised his face to the ceiling, mouth open in a silent scream. A black sludge spewed from his mouth and oozed from his eyes. After a few seconds, he collapsed on the ground.

I nudged his foot a few times with my boot to make sure he wouldn't be moving anytime soon. Satisfied, I pressed two fingers to the man's neck. "Still alive," I said, looking at Thomas standing behind the man. "Did you see that? I've never seen something like that before."

Thomas just shrugged his shoulders. "Looks like simple demonic possession." He gave me a quizzical look. "Are you sure you've dealt with demons before?"

I shook my head as I walked to retrieve my shotgun. "This one felt different. Not the same as other possessions I've dealt with."

As I picked up my shotgun, another door kicked open and three more men walked into the room. They wore a mismatch of clothing with no uniformity suggesting that they all must've come from different walks of life. In their faces though, I saw the same bestial snarl and blackened, midnight eyes. Clearly different from the man that threw me across the room and lifted me above his head. I still didn't doubt that each of these men could do the same. Except they, or at least the demons within them, would take a lot more pleasure in the act.

I raised the shotgun, both barrels loaded with blessed buckshot. Before I could pull the trigger, Thomas stepped in front of me. "Human life always comes first," he said, placing a hand on the gun and pointing it at the floor.

Calmly, he rolled up the sleeves of his jacket to reveal a series of intricate tattoos covering his forearms. He began to chant in Latin again, raising his bare arms in front of his face. As he spoke I could feel a pressure building in the air like a storm coming to life. Finally he spoke his last syllable and brought his arms together. A blinding light erupted from his arms and filled the room. Black smoke spewed from the other three men and departed the room. The emptied bodies dropped lifeless to the ground.

Though Thomas took his time to nonchalantly roll down his sleeves, I still kept my gun trained on the three bodies until I checked each of them. "They're all dead," I said.

Thomas nodded. "The demons must've used these ones up leaving just the shell of a body."

"Then why was the other one still alive after you drove the demon out?"

"Perhaps these three played hosts to the demons longer than the first one we encountered?" he offered as an explanation. 

I shook my head. It was a sound theory especially based on the evidence The Hunter Guild collected years ago. Still, something about it bothered me. Instead of spouting any dissenting theories, I just kept my gun trained on the door from which the three men emerged. I suspected wherever we needed to go next, it started with going through those doors.

Instead I was surprised as the entire floor gave away beneath my feet and I dropped hard into the basement. Luckily, the heavy wooden floorboards broke my fall and I think I got away with just a sprained ankle. I pointed the shotgun around the room as the dust settled, the flashlight beam sweeping the room around me. The remains of the floor from the room above covered the basement along with its sparse furnishings. Archaic drawings painted in blood covered the walls. It stank of fresh death and murder.

"Thomas," I coughed, looking for the slayer in the rubble as well as keeping an eye out for whatever it was that bought down the entire floor. "Thomas, where are you?'

"I'm here, though I don't think we're alone down here," he said as the light swept over him. He dragged himself out of the rubble and immediately drew his sword.

A reddish light filled the basement. It took me a second to realize it wasn't emitting just from the runes on the walls but coming up through the rubble under foot. There must be even more drawings on the buried basement floor.

"Get your back to the wall!" Thomas shouted as he spun in a circle, eyes taking in everything at once. "It's a summoning circle. Something's coming."

A pressure filled the air, almost as when Thomas banished the demons from the human bodies, except it felt like the exact opposite. The air grew hot and dry, the stench of rotting meat and burning hair filled the room, and the chorus of a million flies buzzing deafened my ears. Then the pressure broke and now, standing in the middle of the room was a creature I could only assume was a demon. Red leathery skin, great ram-like horns, black wings that I doubted could carry its weight into the air. It reeked of sulfur and shit. Instinctively I took aim and fired my blessed buckshot at its muscular torso. Pump and fire, pump and fire. I emptied the gun only to watch the buckshot sizzle on contact with its skin, the pellets just not having enough power behind them to do any real damage against a creature from The Pit.

The demon laughed, a deep bass booming in the cellar. In an instant, it was upon me. With a sledgehammer fist, it knocked me across the room. Before it could follow-up and finish the job, Thomas launched himself at the demon. His sword pierced through the demon's back and out its front. He withdrew it, a black sludge spurting from the wound, and jumped back in time to avoid the demon's fist.

The demons smiled as he spoke, "Blessed ammunition and a holy sword. You two came prepared. I thought I'd kept Heverfore's machinations under the notice of slayers." Then his smile grew wider, revealing more teeth than should be physically possible to fit into one mouth. "A welcome surprise though as you two will provide excellent entertainment for me until the moment I allow you to die."

The Demon Slayer's Bodyguard, part 1/3

We arrived at Heverfore Manor around 2am, the hour that tries men's souls. Before I shut off the ignition, Thomas swung his door open and started to step into the darkness. I grabbed him by the collar and yanked him back into the passenger seat.

"What do you think you're doing? We don't know what's out there. At least let me go out and check first. I'm your bodyguard after all," I said.

"Yeah, about that, why does a demon slayer need a bodyguard? I'm stronger than you. And faster. And I know there's no one out there because I can see in the dark," Thomas added as I held a night-vision scope to my eye. And he was right, nothing out there except for a few trees, bushes, and the manor itself.

I glared at him until the smug smile disappeared from his face. "The Hunter Guild requires all hunters, slayers, exorcists, and the like to be accompanied by a bodyguard because believe it or not, you're better off with someone watching your back. Plus there's situations even slayers aren't prepared to handle," I said. I opened my door and stepped into the night.

I walked unhurriedly and popped open the trunk. Number one rule, even if you're afraid, don't let them see it. And I was afraid. Though The Hunter Guild considered this an entry-level mission, I'd seen plenty to know any mission could go sideways in an instant. I pulled on my vest, checked and double-checked my pockets that all my gear was where I wanted it. Then I grabbed my modified, double-barrelled pump-action shotgun. I worked the pump a couple times, then loaded it with shells filled with buckshot soaked in holy water, each little pellet inscribed with a holy rune.

Even though they didn't expect too much trouble from Charles Heverfore, it's always wise to be prepared. It was only a couple years ago that Heverfore started his "cult," mostly just get-togethers for rich and famous types looking to add some edge to their tabloid image. That is, up until a few months ago. His usual clientele dropped off and Heverfore started to attract some really hardcore Satanists. Word is that he might've stumbled upon something real - the kind of thing that binds your soul to eternity in Hell.

I racked shells into both barrels and shut the trunk. Thomas had gotten out and now stood facing the house. "There's something in there," he said, "Something dark. I've never felt a presence like this before."

I just shrugged and moved to stand next to him. "Well this is your first assignment. I'm sure there's bound to be things the guild never prepared you for."

Together, we stepped through the swinging gate of the white picket fence wrapping around the house, and then the world changed. The green lawn disappeared, replaced by barren, hard-packed dirt. The pristine house crumbled: white boards weathered and cracked, all the windows shattered, the stone chimney spewed a thick, oily smoke. Howls not meant to be heard by mortal ears filled the air.

"A threshold," said Thomas, his hand hovering over the hilt of his blessed sword. It was the only weapon the slayer carried, besides his faith. I thought that was stupid. "That's why The Hunter Guild didn't think much of Heverfore, he had a threshold surrounding his manor to shield it from outside eyes."

I kept my head on a swivel, eyes looking all around us as the howls got closer. "Should we go back? Get reinforcements?" I said, leaving the decision to the newly official demon slayer.

Thomas paused for a moment, consulting his training, before shaking his head. "I think I can still complete the mission. And I think if we turn back after breaking Heverfore's threshold, he could disappear again from the guild's radar. Best to keep going forward."

I nodded in agreement, and because it was the only thing I could do. If the slayer stayed, I needed to stay too. That's the rules. Besides, there's no money in returning without the slayer.

Soon enough, danger was upon us. I smelled them before I saw them, the stench of charring, rotting meat someone left over a fire. Two great hounds with flames dancing in their eyes turned the corner on the right side of the house. Seconds later, two more came from the left. Four sets of eyes and snarling jaws focused on the pair of us.

"Could these possibly just be regular dogs possessed by demonic spirits?" I asked Thomas, though I was sure I already knew the answer.

"No," he confirmed, "these are the real deal. Hellhounds." I heard him draw his sword and silver light bathed the area.

I shouldered the shotgun and braced my cheek against the wooden stock, tracking the two hellhounds that arrived from the right as they charged at us. Once I got a lead on them I let loose on the first one with both barrels. Blessed buckshot tore into the hellhound and knocked it on its side. The other one already covered half the ground between us. I pumped the shotgun, loading another pair of shells into the barrels, and shot the demonic dog with just a few feet between its obsidian teeth and my flesh. Its charging momentum carried it passed me, and when it finally came to a stop I saw that it was missing its head.

I looked behind to see Thomas wiping a dark substance from his sword before sheathing it. He had taken an assault approach, running right at the hellhounds. Both lay dead, decapitated.

"Well that wasn't so bad," I said.

Thomas shook his head. "These were summoned in a hurry. You saw how their skin looked like it could slide off their bodies. We definitely surprised whoever is inside. A properly summoned hellhound given sustenance for just a few hours wouldn't have died so easily." He looked up the porch steps at the front door. "Best we keep pressing forward."

I nodded and took the lead, heading up the steps first. This was supposed to be an easy job and easy money. Now we were facing a group able to summon up hellhounds. Who knows what else they've got hidden behind the door?

"I guess I'll knock," I said, and kicked open the door. The flashlight attached under the barrel of my shotgun swept the empty room. "Let's sweep this floor and then you tell me if we should search up or downstairs first," I said as we stepped into the house.

Thomas closed his eyes, turning his head left and right. Then his hand went to his sword hilt again. "We're not alone," he said.

Notebook Souvenirs

 

 

As the chances of taking a trip this year as planned dwindles daily and, at the same time, I've fallen into a nostalgia-hole thanks to this year's reading list and thinking of better days past, I decided to re-live some past vacations with a particular set of souvenirs. Plus, I'm sure I talked about eventually doing this post while writing my "Grand Adventure" stories. And what kind of souvenirs have I been staring at longingly? you're not asking. In fact, you're probably thinking, "Dammit, everyone knows you're making all this up as an excuse to show off your notebook collection!"

Study Abroad Japan 2009

 

These are the notebooks I brought back from studying abroad in Japan back in 2009. I know what you're thinking. "You bought 4 notebooks in 4 months!" I know, right, I'm surprised I didn't buy so many more, too. The first two on the left I happened upon while wandering the aisles of Don Quijote looking for actual survival-related items. The worst part is that I still do that: walk around stores and if I've got a bunch of purchases, maybe I'll just buy a new notebook too while I'm here. Unlike my other souvenirs, I wrote in them while I was over there and when I came back, though neither are full (not sure why I stopped).

 

This one I got at a Naruto anniversary exhibit ... I forgot exactly where. I know we saw the giant Gundam in Odaiba earlier that day so I think it was close by. In Naruto, there's a character called Sai that carries a notebook telling the story of two warriors fighting foes, their stories starting at opposite covers of the book until they inevitably meet in the middle. And that's why I loved this notebook once I saw it, because it sort-of replicates that from the manga.

The Gundam notebook I picked up when I went to see the giant Gundam in Odaiba. There's nothing uniquely special about the notebook itself. What does make it special is the story associated with it. I got the notebook on my third visit, the same trip that I finally managed to get my hands on a souvenir Gundam model. Several of us wanted kits but they sold out every previous time we went. On my third trip no one else could go, so off I went alone with the goal of grabbing as many kits as I could. The issue though was the "one per customer" limit. Once I got to the site, I immediately grabbed a model. I walked around for an hour, and then came back to the souvenir tent with the model shoved in my backpack. Knowing that I look like tourist, and in case someone recognized me, I bought not only another model but the notebook, a poster, and probably some other things that I've lost by now in the hopes that the extra purchases might throw off their suspicions. "No, he couldn't be the same guy that was here earlier just trying to get a second model, or why would he be buying all those extra things, too," they'll think to themselves. With the two models, I now needed a plan to get a third. Hiding two in my backpack wasn't going to work. I attempted to ask a guy with two small kids if he could buy me a kit since he was only buying one but I couldn't figure out the words fast enough. I did try to explain/lie to one of the workers that my friend loves Gundam but is sick so can I buy two but he wasn't buying my bullshit. I think eventually I got a call from someone at the dorm that we were doing something/drinking that night, so I gave up and left.

Portland/Seattle/San Francisco 2010

I got both of these in Seattle at ... I don't remember the name of the store. The first one is just a regular lined notebook but the cover made me laugh. I think the real reason I haven't used it has less to do with it being a souvenir and more to do with that thick spine. As I've mentioned (and no one cares) I do a lot of my writing sitting on my bed using a half-inch binder as a table, so I tend to bend my notebooks in half or else it's just burdensome to write upon.

The other notebook is filled with pictures of walls. Am I supposed to use it to practice tagging? To figure out stencil sizes? Are they supposed to be famous walls? Who knows. I'm not even sure what I can use it for. What types of stories do I write in it?

Australia 2013

The infamous blue notebook! I bought this from a random street vendor selling a bunch of (what I assume) are leather-bound notebooks. No, I can't tell you what drew my eye to the blue one, but I bought it instead of the other brown ones. What a mistake as I discovered the shitty dye job when the color smeared onto my fingers. Update: it still smears as I have blue ink on my fingers yet again. And that's why it stays in its own ziploc bag all the time to keep it from touching my other notebooks. Besides all that, I still like it. It reminds me of a notebook an adventurer on an epic quest or journey might carry, paper bound in hide and I can use the string to tie it all up to protect it from the elements. I know, why don't I write more high fantasy, swords-and-sorcery type stories?

New York 2015

I got all of these at museums while I was wandering New York. The black one and the two smaller, pocket-sized ones on the bottom I got at the Metropolitan Museum of Art while the white one I got at the Museum of Modern Art. The black one I got from the MET is definitely the cooler of the four: it's a hardcover with three different types of paper (lined, graph, and blank) and a flap in the back cover to hold loose notes. I meant to use it to write a fantasy, "swords and sorcery" type story to utilize all the paper types (lined for prose, graph for maps, blank for pictures) but now I don't even want to use it (I'll just buy another graph paper notebook instead).

The two on the bottom are smaller, pocket-sized notebooks. At the time I thought they were a weird size, as they were bigger than the ones I carried in my pocket but smaller than the ones I carried in my bag. Recently though, I've been carrying notebooks about this size and finding they're just the right size for either writing notes or even short sections of stories on the go when I've got the free time - waiting for my food order, sitting at a bar, between phone calls at my desk, etc.

Seattle 2017

 

Honestly, I almost didn't buy a notebook on this trip. There's nothing really special or interesting about it and I don't care for the plastic cover. I bought it just because I needed to buy a notebook. I really wanted to get one from the Museum of Pop Culture that I visited earlier in the day but I couldn't find one I liked. Or, if I'm remembering correctly, I just couldn't find one. And the writing workshop wouldn't be selling any because, really, as if the people attending the conference wouldn't have their own notebooks, as well as their own peculiarities and personal preferences regarding their notebooks. I'd definitely recommend visiting the Chihuly Garden and Glass Museum. The shapes and shadows and lighting and colors, it was mesmerizing and, if you have the same loose grip on reality that I do, perhaps you'll see something in those shapes to use in your next story, or nightmare, or wherever your personal demons and hallucinations take you.

Do you also see it?

 

Grand Adventure (Japan/Korea) 2018

 

Both of these notebooks are from the Korea part of my trip. I just couldn't find a notebook I wanted while I was in Japan. I know, I could've just picked one off the shelf in a Don Quijote or Family Mart but it wouldn't be the same. I think the only place I would've liked to buy one was from was the Jump Store but I couldn't find one I like there (I haven't been watching as much anime as I used to). The first notebook I picked up from a Line Store I visited my first day in Korea. At the entrance sat a giant Brown. Thanks to the crossovers with popular animes, I spent a good deal of money on that Line Rangers game. The other one I got from a palace gift shop while I was touring with Tina. Honestly, if you showed me pictures and told me to match them with the names of the palaces, I really wouldn't be able to match them correctly except by sheer luck. At some point they all started to look the same. That said, I also can't tell you which palace I picked it up from.

Hopefully, once this current crisis is over and we can go traveling safely again without all the restrictions in place, I'll get to add more notebooks to the collection.

As a bonus (why are you still here?), here's pictures of some of the notebooks people have brought me as souvenirs from their trips, kind of like how people exchange shot glasses, or other things I don't know I'm not good with gifts.